Someday you will find me in Saxony/aus dem Sinn in Sachsen

The View When Lying on the Ground

2011-11-13T18:17:00.003+01:00

I closed my eyes on the couch, so tired and wondering what would face me after my next arrival at home in Texas. Just a short nap, as my lids shut on the blanched wine-red walls of the living room...

And suddenly I saw green. I had opened my eyes, looking straight-ahead into lush grass - I was lying not on the couch but on the ground... at the family cemetary at the very spot where I will someday join my family. Yet to reflect on this new view, I saw two sets of legs moving in my direction; one set in business grey slacks and dress black shoes, the other in a smart black skirt and black high heels. This young couple leaned down directly in front of me and cradled my head in their arms together. My mother and father had come to help me, now eternally young and strong, and resolved as masters of this whole situation. I felt their smiles and joy.

"You can get up and take care of all of this - it is not yet your time to be here. And we are always with you supporting you, as we always told you all your life."

I saw wine-red again and remained frozen on the couch, trying to return to that reunion cut so short. Yet they were still with me - and still are - as I drink the red wine and look forward to the lush green grass of eternal strength in the source of all life.

Busy? Who isn't....

2011-07-09T21:16:00.003+02:00

The famous Astronomical Clock in the main square in Prague, Czech Republic. I took this foto because I took the time to travel to Prague a week ago.

The past hundred years have seen the invention and implimentation of many labour-saving appliances and devices. Cars speed our journeys, kitchen appliances making cooking really fast, washing machines and dryers make doing the wash a marginal activity, and computers and the internet make communication virtually effortless.

So what do we do with all this spare time? Perhaps I ask the wrong question. Why do we forget what we originally wanted to do with more time? Time is the most precious commodity, because we only have it once. We can make more money, but once a day is gone, it never comes back.

I've entered a phase of life in which I remain lastingly disappointed with how most of us deal with time. How many emails can you respond to, how many text messages, how many mobile phone calls that bombard you hourly? Looking back over the past few years, do you simply see a goulash of time diced up into tiny pieces for so many different people/causes, that there is no pattern or common thread to the whole matter? You can replace all material things, but time never returns, and often you have one opportunity to help someone at one specific time. If you let the time slip, you've lost that one chance.

The Religious Right is left (out)

2010-12-11T18:05:00.002+01:00

Random thoughts cross through the mind. As anything "right" (meaning a percieved political, social, or religious slant) seems to gain ground in north America, I am astounded at how such groups so thoroughly exclude people. They often have a very narrow tolerance zone of convictions in their respective fields, and they quickly alienate those who think or act differently. They become the arbiter or defender of truth, and they may even claim a divine sanction for their convictions. Whole groups may be dismissed, but when individuals are approached as individuals and put under pressure to conform (either you do it my/our way, or you are wrong/evil/an outcast), I am reminded of totalitarian regimes in the 20th century in Europe, and perhaps even in the largest eastern "people's republic" that now exists.

But perhaps the best solution to this dilemma is to let such groups simply continue down their road. As they define and delineate themselves, they will exclude more and more people, until they loose any impact they might have had. At some point they will have left themselves out of life all together.

Wild Weather

2010-12-04T17:57:00.002+01:00

My fears have been confirmed - winter has returned to Middle Europe with great force. The transportation lines for almost all forms of motion have been severly effected. And daily I scorn the inability of our ultra-modern high-tech public transportation to deal with these normal weather events. People spend the night on trains stranded in the countryside while motorists wonder if they will also overnight on the Autobahn.

Back in April, I believe, we had an ash cloud from a volcano in Iceland that brought most of air travel to a standstill. Once again, all the advances, technology, and power of our society were powerless and at the mercy of something totally outside of our inventions: nature.

We still cannot control nature. It does what it wants when it wants, and all our plans may be changed or cancelled as a result. Or perhaps we should include nature in our plans. It's a good idea for me. I see here a reminder - we - humans - did not create everything around us. We live the delusion that we can control and use it as if it belonged to us. But such weather events remind us that we belong to it and not it to us. But what is "it"?

I have a very specific answer to that question.

Is there no choice between sentiment, kitsch, or exaggeration?

2010-11-28T12:38:00.003+01:00

Germany's economy is supposedly improving fast. I don't see where this is really happening. Compared to my home in Texas, people here are not buying new big expensive things, they're not building new houses, and among those I know here, the job situation hasn't changed. I wonder if this is a ploy - act like you are doing well, and you will do well.

When are we "acting" and when is it genuine? Especially in December the decorations go up to pep up the spirits. It really helps on this dreary latitude - so dark and cold, so drink hot mulled wine and look at the bright lights and you'll be bright and happy.

But one can't deny or disguise that life has rough edges and aspects we at best wish were different and at worst can't bear to think about. Kitsch, I think, involves denying these facts and forcing a surface happiness, which is what makes some people loathe the Christmas season. But true art looks at these situations and might seek to understand, to fix, or simply to present these apparant contradictions.

A week ago a friend on FB said, looking for confirmation, that this season makes everyone feel happier and in a better mood. Yet for many this holiday season painfully reminds them that important people are missing - the empty chairs at the dining table, fewer presents under the tree, or no invitations to Christmas events. Having grown up spending every Christmas with family and grandparents, now there are so many empty chairs at the dining table I sit at at Christmas, that I often would rather not eat there. But this is also Christmas, a normal part of the journey of life. The idea of unconditional love that stops short of no effort to love others. And ultimately for me, the notion - the conviction - that the ultimate gift - God's unconditional love and promise to be with him forever - can somehow make even difficult times somehow happy, when you know that many things in life could be easier and simpler.

I hope we can remember those around us who might be spending their first Christmas season with acute sufferring because of the empty places at the table, since some they loved have passed on or cannot be there. These people might be too embarrassed to let you know of their situation and may hide it at all cost. Have open eyes not for Santa and Christmas treats, but for the smallest signs of need in others.

Half a Year Later

2010-11-05T21:42:00.006+01:00

Leipzig in late summer on a lazy afternoon
Texas - near Fort Worth - in mid-summer after I mowed the lawn
York in England in October
Leeds in England in October

I thought I'd report back. Since my last post a lot has happened - nothing negative. I've had the house in the USA worked on (and I visited it too), and I've gotten a new job in teaching. This led me to the UK in early October on a business trip for ten days. So many new duties and tasks, and so many new impressions, not the least of which is the outcome of the election for the yankees and the new situation there as a result.

I don't know what to think right now. I'm disappointed at the short collective memory among the voting population in the USA. The current administration did not create the crisis - it was plopped in their lap two years ago, and I think they've done a smart job dealing with it; there is indeed much more to do, for after only 24 months you can't undone such dimensions of crisis. But let some adults done cheerleader- tactics and traverse the country with a message supposedly connected with the Boston tea party - calling it a message is already inaccurate, for it is more a burst of gut anger with little or no substance. And these people have made it into the nation's capital now. Suicides among teenagers are a problem, and those not towing the line in their social-sexual orientation are mobbed and bullied to the point of killing themselves to get away from the torture. Whatever one's conviction might be about same-sex orientation, it is never correct or "christian" to force those at least leaning toward same-sex choices with violence or psychological abuse.

And then I see unusual tenacious protests in Germany. In Stuttgart protesters show great strength in opposing renovations of the main station, and new protests are opposing the transport of nuclear waste to disposal sites. In comparison to these perhaps not so lucratively funded but cogently constructed protests in Germany, those tea parties in the US seem like a paroday of political activism - wind with no substance. Perhaps it would be the biggest blessing for the current administration, to have one of these party people running for President in two years. Time will tell what happens, so in the meantime we can "wait and drink tea" as the Germans say.

The old garage door opener finally turned up...

2010-04-30T20:10:00.004+02:00

This garage door finally has its old opener back....

My brother went to the door last week. Wilma, who spent the last 13 hours of my mother's life with her, was there. Wilma wanted to give him something.

When Wilma took my mother to the hospital for tests on March 29, 2008, mother took the garage door opener along - she would need it to get back in to gather her clothes to move to a nursing home. Not wanting to lose the door opener, mother carefully put it in Wilma's glove box on that Friday - in about 5 days she would be going back home to get ready to move to a care facility.

Wilma was back at Baylor Grapevine about midnight that Sunday night - she knew my mother needed her. And about 13 hours later my mother left her broken down lungs behind for the real air of paradise and permanent rest from so much worry.

But that garage door opener stayed in the glove box of Wilma's car waiting for those fingers to press it. And Wilma returned it to my brother last week, after finding it and figuring out where it came from.

I don't know if I can use that opener again. After two years of waiting, I wonder if it would be better for the opener to just keep on waiting. After all, it isn't waiting for my fingers to press it... as it is, it opens much more than a garage door right now.

Seven Years of Leipzig Today

2010-02-07T15:08:00.004+01:00

The view from my current living room in winter - here is my life right now
The home in Texas, where my life still somehow continues over there....
My permanent resting place someday just a few feet away from this obelisk where I will take my place next to my mother, just as we are standing here together, to join her to await the resurrection.

This is a short post: today I have been in Leipzig for seven years. And when I got off the plane on that snowy day back then, I knew no one in this city, and I never would have imagined all the things that would happen in the next five years: church crises, new jobs, moving, and the sudden illness and death of my mother.

Now I look back and have many friends in Leipzig and Germany. I feel very much at home here, despite the frigid weather. And I look with concern at my life in Texas. Seven years of continuous life in Leipzig, and no one from the states has visited me; no one from Texas - except my mother and brother - has even called me on the telephone one single time. I can count on one hand the number of people from the USA who keep any kind of regular email contact with me. My mother was my real connection to my life in Texas, and now she is gone. I've tried this blog, and then facebook, but I have slowly come to realize that nothing will change the saying "out of sight, out of mind", so for everybody over there I am "out of sight and out of mind".

I don't know how much longer I will stay here. Yet I wonder what I have to return to in the USA. Most of my family I now visit at the cemetary, and as the years without ongoing communication go by, you grow apart from people you used to know so well.

While I am thankful for these seven years, Life is very different now than it was then. Some of it changed because of my decisions, but much change was thrown upon me. Yet as the years go by, I realize more and more that our life is woven out of the connections to the people we get to know and even love. I am happy for this woven garment here in Europe, but sad to see the garment being neglected in the USA.

Twenty-Ten sounds like a football play

2010-01-24T13:31:00.006+01:00

This was one place where we rang in the new year - Roses in Berlin-Kreuzberg. What kitschy-cheesy decorations!
The Moltke Bridge in Berlin at new years.

The new year is already here. I wouldn't know, except that the days are finally getting a little longer. We're still in the deep freeze in central Europe, and I am so fed up with snow and ice everywhere. I'll take any temperature above freezing. Sunshine would be the best right now.

Today I feel like this eel....
Here I am with Lars at Sea World at the Alexanderplatz in central Berlin. Freezing cold outside.

My New Year's Eve was great, after a totally uneventful Christmas. I visited a friend in Berlin, got to go shopping there and saw the fireworks at the Brandenburg Gate and then went to some clubs until about 3 a.m. Don't worry, I drank nothing at all.... I was in no mood to compromise my alertness in situations where it is shoulder to shoulder people as far as the eye can see. But it was very entertaining and exciting to see so many people fit into a small club, and people were even trying to dance... that was a sight.

A semester at the university is ending, and on St. Patrick's Day I'll set foot on my homeland for the next visit. Perhaps you've followed me on another forum - FB - where I've become quite disillusioned with the absolute lack of follow through there. Since I live on the other side of the world - compared to the place I was raised, I value internet forums as ways to find out what friends and family are doing and how life is treating them. But lethargy reigns, so no one responds, and when people post something, it is often mindless banter - things that millions of people do or experience every few minutes. This concerns me, since as the years go by you can lose the common bond with those you spent years together with earlier in life, and you lose this bond when you no longer have common experiences to share. Reminiscing can only go so far, since we live in the present and not in the past.

Right now hibernation is in gear. With high temperatures not even near the freezing point, and with over a month of snow on the ground now, I spend most of my time in my apartment reading, translating, listening to music, or inviting a few friends over. I still go running on my usual schedule, and that is invigorating, but otherwise I want away from the cold outside.

Thank you for reading my blog. I haven't given it up. I hope your new year has started well.

Lets go for a walk in my neighborhood

2009-10-23T09:50:00.002+02:00

My river - I can look out my living room window down onto this little river.
Lets cross the bridge - at least three times a week I do this to go running in the forest.
Another river - in the forest - where I spend one hour running several times a week.
I think this majestic house is abandoned.
Gohlis Schlößchen - the little castle in Gohlis - about 20 minutes by foot from my place.
It is a little castle - compared to others in Europe.
The zoo - about 10 minutes by foot from my place.
The meadow in the Rosental.
Here I am back in my immediate neighborhood.

Here are a few impressions of the surroundings where I live. I'm so fortunate to have found an apartment in such a beautiful historic part of town, and so central. When I took these photos I was on a rare walk through the forest. Normally I am running, to stay in shape, so I can't stop to take pictures. But it was such a beautiful Fall day, I had to make time for a few photos. Some day when I am back on the other side of the world, these will be cherished memories. Now if I could only let you hear the church bells that ring every day.

And the Walls Came Tumbling Down

2009-10-06T10:15:00.004+02:00

No pictures are in this entry - check October or September of previous years for the fotos for this topic. I posted this on Sunday on another internet forum, but I think it needs airing here too. Memory is a very important function that we are losing with the digital age and Twitter, FB, and other forums that mainly encourage us to only live in the immediate moment. Forgetting many indeed be the most dangerous thing that can happen to a person and a society.

Right now Germany is basking in twenty years of unity - in November 1989 the wall came down, and on October 3, 1990 German unity was officially completed.
But for me and my family, these events move to the back burners. It was on September 20 and October 4 of that same year of tumbling walls that my life tumbled down - my grandmother died on September 20 and my father on October 4. My grandmother had lived with my parents - my mother took care of her - for over seven years. I often played the piano while grandmother sat at the table and listened, almost going to sleep, and mother prepared the food for the family meal. So grandmother listened to Mozart, Chopin, Lizst, or Debussy from her grandson while her daughter prepared the meal. She often said she was the luckiest woman in the world.
About a year after their deaths I was back at the that same grand piano playing the same Debussy Ballade. Then I noticed my mother was gone for a long time. Thinking she might be sick, I went and saw she was in the bathroom. She was crying quite a bit, so sad because that piece reminded her of how we all were together with grandmother and my father eating together. All of those times had become memories.
And now my dear mother has rejoined them, and she gets to eat with them at God's table and listen to music much more beautiful than anything I could ever bang out on a piano.

But maybe I have found the real reason in Fall - everything falls - political walls, leaves on growing trees, and it would seem death and destruction can make life utterly bitter. But only a few months later Easter comes - really the most important holiday for Christians, because it reminds us of what seems impossible - that someone could really die and be buried, and then several days later really rise from the dead and walk around showing those who loved him the still present wounds in his body that would immediately tell you this person should be dead.
So for me, as each year goes by and I keep memories alive, I remember two important commands from God: do not be afraid, and be patient. What began at Easter is still continuing to unfold, if backstage, until someday the last wall will fall and death, the last enemy, will vanish forever.

Voilà my new apartment from the inside

2009-08-07T10:09:00.004+02:00

Looking out the kitchen window to the west
Kitchen window view to the east - nice courtyard we have...

Looking down from the kitchen window to my very own garden.
Looking straight ahead from my bedroom window into the back courtyard.
The breakfast table in the kitchen - rubber tree wood....
The icon wall in the hallway
The bathroom
Another view of the kitchen
The kitchen seen from the hallway.
The view looking north out the living room window.
The living room
The living room from the other side
And the hallway seen from the living room.
The hallway seen from the entry.
My bedroom.
My bedroom from the other side.
The view from the living room window looking east - here is where I go running now.
The view from the living room window looking west.
Perhaps a better view looking west....

Above you see the interior of my new apartment. Please excuse some of the clutter - when I took the pictures there was still some unpacking and sorting to do. I really love the new apartment and the section of town I now live in - I am only 4 tram stops from the main train station, so I am very central, yet it is very quiet here - I can finally sleep with my window open - wonderful.

Moving On...

2009-07-17T17:33:00.002+02:00

The new garden

another corner of the new garden

the stairwell with stained glass and wooden steps

an intersection about 10 seconds from my new front door

the street view from the front door

a front view of the house - the windows on the fourth floor (third for Europeans) are mine.

The house from the back

In one week my moving day arrives. The current apartment has two main shortcomings: very noisy outside, and mold on the east wall. And the management company is like a typical east German socialist "business" - do nothing fast and try to blame the tenant for everything.

The new apartment fits my personality much better - in an art nouveau house built 1902. Leipzig and Prague are the two cities with the most art nouveau architecture. If you remember much of the design of the Lord of the Rings movies, art nouveau elements played a central rôle there.

I could chose the colors of this newly renovated apartment: kitchen - apricot with terra cotta tile, my bedroom - sky blue, the hall - vanilla yellow, and the living room - a wine red bleached almost to white. Sebastian's room he just wanted white. The bath has anthracite tiles and old style white tiles. Being older, the ceilings are higher, and the living room has the old double windows and a rustic wood floor. I am on the top floor again, so more light and less noise comes in the windows.

And we have our own nice garden, as you see, with climbing roses, tulips, daffodils, grape vines, and several other local flowers I don't know yet. There is plenty of room for nice garden parties - afternoon tea on the lawn, or evening cooking out with wine or good German beer, and in the Waldstraßenviertel, where this is, there is a high concentration of top-notch restaurants and beer gardens, with the largest park, the Rosenthal, next door, and the zoo around the corner.

And when you move, you sort out and throw away many many things, so this is a purging experience also. Very ambivalent for me. And so a move is often like a transition to a new time in your life. I will see if this is true for me right now.

Red Roses for a Blue Lady

2009-06-20T16:34:00.003+02:00

These aren't roses, but they are a beautiful red.

Do dreams tell us much? I think they can, especially if we have the same dream over and over again.

After the death of my father and grandmother within two weeks of each other I was plunged into the most difficult year of my life, but for my mother it was even more difficult; she had lost her own mother and husband of almost 40 years while her youngest son was on the other side of the world.

I saw red, and they were beautiful red roses, and a hand was lovingly arranging them while someone held this bouquet in their hand. As if it were a camera, the view began pulling back, and I saw that a woman was holding this giant bouquet of beautiful red roses, and she was wearing a festive dress - this was indeed a special occasion!

How happy I was for her, as I could then see she was wearing expensive high-heeled shoes like she always wore for special events, and I could hear majestic happy organ music flooding the room.

Now I could see more - it was a big church, and this lady, my mother, was standing at the front at the alter with her lovely bouquet of red roses. But wait, something is wrong..

the church is empty, and no one is standing at the alter - only a giant cross, and my mother is standing their crying buckets of tears flooding those red roses while the festive happy organ music plays on in this empty church.

This dream does not haunt me anymore.

The tears are gone, and now it is my turn to carry the roses and listen to the music.

A Long Holiday Weekend

2009-05-01T10:30:00.004+02:00

The theatre where Bertold Brecht put on many of his works.
A view of central Berlin from the boat.
Now on land for that view.
The tv tower surrounded by cherry blossoms.
The Bode Museum on the Museum Island - a UNESCO protected island full of world-class museums.
The reading room in a café.
The Lenbach House - notice the detail on the porch.
The Bode Museum up closer. Astounding collections of art from the first 5 centuries of Christian art are also here.
A repair shop for very old woodwind instruments.

May 1 is a holiday here, so we have a long and sunny weekend ahead of us. I started it last evening with a long get together with the Danish director of a contact lens company I teach English for. After Thai food, a litre of beer, a little cognac, and then two cocktails, I still realize that I was not made for that kind of alcohol consumption. Since the evening started a 6:30 pm. and ended at almost 1 am., all the drinks were well spaced out so I wasn't spaced out. And I am glad I have nothing I have to do today.
I thought I would post a few more photos of the Berlin weekend - in case you never get there, this may give you a taste of the largest city between Paris and Moscow. Have a good weekend.

Photo Essay - a Berlin Weekend

2009-04-26T22:59:00.003+02:00

Tram tracks lead to the tv tower in eastern Berlin on the Oranienburger Str.

Here is the view from our hotel room window - the Tempelhof airport.
Sebastian takes the cue from Buddha to meditate before currying...
....the French church at the Gendarmenmarkt
A detail from John chapter 4 of the French church at the Gendarmenmarkt
The impressive Gendarmenmarkt - my favorite square in Berlin
.... and in an inner courtyard you find artwork like this...
my coffee break in the afternoon on Sunday
the beautiful café where I enjoyed this coffee break.
a classic view of west Berlin - the Kaiser Wilhelm Memorial Church in the background.
The Berlin Cathedral on the Spree River - here the Hohenzollerns, the royal family of Prussia, went to church...
The Cathedral from the other side with cherry blossoms.
the chancellor's quarters seen from a boat on the Spree River...
Our coffee break at La Fayette in the Friedrich Str. in central Berlin.
a self-photo at the Indian restaurant in Prenzlauer Berg.

Here is a photo update on my life. With wonderful weather, a weekend ago we took a 2-day trip to Berlin - 1 hour on the train and voilà, you're in Berlin. It was a peaceful yet fast-moving time; Berlin is so big that you have to keep moving fast to take anything in. The lemon tart at La Fayette was wonderful, and the boat ride on the Spree River was the first I have taken - worth the money. More details soon, but at the moment I have to get on - and get to bed! Sleep well...

Biking through Saxony on Easter Weekend

2009-04-16T09:57:00.005+02:00

The beauty of Spring earlier this week - on the way back from Rötha and not too far from my apartment.
Such a beautiful public park in Markkleeberg...
A splendid mini-island to relax on...
This fellow watched us while we ate ice cream in Grimma
The Mulda River in Grimma
The bridge over the Mulda in Grimma
A main street in Grimma
Tobias and I at the ice cream café
Sebastian and Stefan across the table from Tobias and me.
The serene lake in Beucha.
A conference late Monday morning at the lake in Beucha.
From the tour on Friday - here in Rötha. You see our bikes in from of an art nouveau house.
A sculpture at Lake Störmthal.
Stefan about to deface this creation he ordered... in Rötha.
Lake Störmthal again: Stefan, Tobias, and Sebastian.
Stefan at Lake Störmthal.
Such nicely paved roads in the country - easy to ride a bike here.
Tobias and Sebastian resting at the café in Rötha.

This was my Easter weekend. In Germany Good Friday and the Monday after Easter Sunday are holidays, and in Germany holidays are "holy cows", so you are "doomed" to take it easy on such days, as we did in these photos above. The ride over Beucha, Naunhof, Grimma and Bad Lausick was 38 miles, or 60 kilometers, and sunshine the whole way. The trip to Rötha on Friday was a bit shorter but also sunny the whole time. Since I run regularly, I had no muscle problems, but the seat on my bike did leave me sore - I'm not used to sitting on a bike for over half a day!
It was so good to spend the day out in the sun, flowers, meadows, and fresh air on Good Friday and Easter Monday. I haven't lost any weight from all that biking, though - must have all gone to muscle - oh yeah....

I hope you have had a wonderful Easter weekend too.

Time stands still as the garment of our lives is torn beyond repair.

2009-03-29T19:17:00.003+02:00

As time races by, remembrance keeps it standing still. In just a few hours I will remember how I came home from teaching all day on Monday, and in the late afternoon saw the message light blinking on my phone. I had a sick feeling already, and when I listened to the message, "This is the nurses' station, please call us as soon as possible," I started shaking all over. I have never known that kind of fear in my life. I knew I would be on a plane to Texas the next morning, but I had no idea what was about to happen. Within two hours I was speaking my last words to my mother via phone as my brother was at her side with many other friends, and my cousin and aunt were racing to the hospital.

I will never forget my last words to my mother. Somehow I kept my composure and made a quick summary of our life together and how we would continue it after a few years of separation now, and that when we see each other again we will never be separated again for all eternity. I said I envied her, that she was about to be back together with all our other family members forever and catch them up on everything we've been doing all these years.

This hope is stonger that a year ago, yet the fabric of our lives has been torn beyond repair in this life - a huge central section of the garment of my life has been ripped out, and my life testifies to this unrighteousness as it looks forward to setting right all of these wrongs.

Until then I hope this short slide show can do some honour to my dear mother. The choir is singing Psalm 130 of the Penitential Psalms from the late medieval German composer Orlando de Lasso. This is an excerpt of the choir in which I sung here in this city in Germany. As we sing of the depths from which we call to God to hear our voice, we know we all face this someday at death, when travel through the shadowy valley to be in that existence called "paradise".

Our mother always modeled God's unconditional love to her family. She was faithful and dedicated; nothing was too much for her when it concerned her family. As well as I knew her, I know she waits and waits now with our father and our grandparents for the garment of our lives to be finally repaired.

Please join me in thankful loving remembrance of a faithful loving Christian lady, wife, and mother whose smile always made the day brighter.

de profundis clamavi ad te Domine Domine exaudi vocem meam

2009-03-24T09:19:00.002+01:00

Reconciliation fulfilled by the perfect death and then resurrection - the alter of the church in Bad Schandau
Spring flowers remind us of the gift of life

The last week has begun. One year ago in this week my mother's condition began deteriorating rapidly. When the pulmonary physician said to her, "I don't like your condition at all; you are too weak to take care of yourself. You have to go to a nursing home so others can take this burden off of you." She was crushed, and I was scrambling trying to figure out how to arrange admission to a reliable nursing home in her area. Even brushing her teeth wore her out, and when home health care noticed she was stumbling through the house and falling asleep at the table, they called the doctor to arrange her immediate admission to the hospital for tests. And so she walked out of her house she had lived in since 1964, not knowing she would never see it again.

I loved (and still do) to climb trees. When I was three I was in the back yard one morning climbing and went too far - so far that I couldn't go back out of fear, so I though I would drop down on the ground. I was hanging there by my fingers when I looked down and realized it was too far to drop, so I started yelling for my mother to come. Quickly she ran out - dressed for work in her smart skirt, hose, high heels, etc., and there I was saying she had to catch me when I let go. After some discussion I finally let go and she caught me, but she never let me know how scared she was during that whole event. But that was more than my mother standing there catching me. Jesus' words on the cross were the same: "into your hands I commend my spirit." These were his words to his father, our father, who never lets us down. She'll catch me again when I see her next time.

in loving memory of another grandfather

2009-03-18T18:25:00.003+01:00

On this day in 1977 my paternal grandfather passed away. He had been virtually bed-ridden since a major stroke paralysed his right side in 1969, I believe. My grandmother and my father, with his two brothers, always helped take care of him at their home in Hearne in Texas. Since he was born in 1891, he was quite old and always seemed to already be halfway out of this life for me. Since I was so young, I never had the chance to get to know him as well as my other grandparents.

Before the Great Depression he had been a rich cotton buyer and had been a reporter for the Houston Chronicle in his youth. He was thin, handsome, and very energetic. True to his 100% Irish heritage, he was 100% whiskey-drinking Irish Catholic with quite a temper. I have seen the "fighting Irish." His official name was Bernard Glenney, but we all called him "Hada", which was Irish for "grandpa."

For me, his death was the first time in my life I experienced the loss of someone I saw regularly; the thought of going to the house in Hearne and not seeing him, of my grandmother being a widow, was something completely new in my life. Little did I know that one year later my grandmother would join her husband suddenly, and within 13 years all my grandparents and my father would leave this life.

Someone who reads my blog here in Leipzig seemed concerned that my entries about the deaths in my family could indicate a problem with depression. Quite the contrary. I feel very at ease talking and writing about my loved ones I am temporarily separated from. I mentioned my faith as an important part of my thinking, and this person insisted that that was not what it was about - quite an interesting notion, to think that religion and death are not connected.
A careful reading of the New Testament - and a careful consideration of earliest Christian art and writings - shows a confident hope and expectation that someday the Christ (or Jesus, as many know him) will return, and with him all creation - and all people - will be restored to the way life was meant to be. Until that time, after death humans are in paradise (a word originally meaning a lush garden) awaiting the restoration of all things. That, at least, is an extremely truncated version of the course of things.
It is sad that so much Enlightenment, Existentialism, and modern scepticism have tempted the masses to cursorily dismiss religious faith as something for the uninformed or the weak. It is even sadder that so many seem to have found no really satisfactory way to confront death. I don't know if I do a good job, but I certainly feel strengthened, and my hope and anticipation of seeing all of these people again who taught me to love and care has only grown in the past years.

We often get jaded as we grow, realizing that we can't reach for the stars anymore, and that we will all die anyway, so what is the point of life? Just enjoy it while you can? Or just wallow in despair, realizing that the bitter end is coming someday?
For me, I know there is a big surprise coming, a reality so much more real than what we experience now, and when I have seen that, I will never want to come back to this existence again. And the best thing about that reality is that all my grandparents and parents and many others are there now wondering when my brother and I, and the rest of us, will join them. We all want to complete the circle, and it will happen - what goes around comes around.

So join me in fond loving memory of my Hada and your loved ones as we never forget that the story only begins when we close our eyes the last time.

a weekend in the Saxon Switzerland

2009-03-15T20:11:00.002+01:00

Moses underneath the chancel in the church in Bad Schandau
Spring is coming - crocuses in the church flower garden.
A cafe in Bad Schandau - a fitting place for a rest after long walks.
And we wait patiently for our food after a long walk.
one of the train tracks in the Dresden main train station
the old city centre in Dresden - at the entrance to the Frauenkirche
The Frauenkirche - the Church of our Lady. Notice how small the people are up close to the building. After being almost leveled in the bombings, this church was rebuilt only with voluntary contributions.
One of my favorite places in Dresden - the bar and café Gänsedieb - Goose Thief.
Inside Gänsedieb - lots of warm wood and colors.

Here at mid-March I took a weekend to visit my friends in Pirna, just south of Dresden. I had a few hours late Friday afternoon in Dresden, so I took in the attractions of the things I like most in Dresden. Then on Saturday we went to the Czech Republic for shopping and then to Bad Schandau, a health resort, for some walking and resting in restaurants and cafés. It actually remained dry the whole day Saturday, so we spent the whole afternoon out walking and looking at things, as some of these photos attest.
I hope you had a good weekend filled with people and activities you like.

More Loving Memories

2009-03-09T22:53:00.002+01:00

In this photo you see my great uncle "Willie" with my mother. I took this picture in September 2002, while my mother was visiting me in Austin. Willie was living in Austin in the North Loop area with his third wife (He outlived the first two.). He was about 96 years old at this time and probably the last member of our family from that generation still alive. He reminded us about the stories of his father, how Fritz Tesmer got on a ship in East Prussia when he was 18 to leave the old world and start a new life in Texas. My mother was so happy to see her uncle after so many years.
During my visit to Texas in December 2006 to January 2007, my mother and I drove down to Taylor to visit the cemetary where many on that side of the family are buried. We wondered if Willie was still alive. I found a new grave with his head stone, so we answered our question - he had died in March 2006, and with him a generation passed out of this life. And two years later my mother rejoined him. Within two years we experienced almost two complete generations passing out of this life.
With all of these events, suddenly 18 year old Fritz Tesmer's decision to board the ship to Texas in 1883 no longer seems so far in the past. Soon we turn around, and our children's children will stand at our graves, hopefully taking photos and blogging, documenting the past as we all learn to be thankful for each other.

In Loving Memory

2009-03-02T22:40:00.002+01:00

27 years ago on this day my maternal grandfather passed away. He had always been a physically strong man, having worked on the railroad all his life. I was always close to him. He and my grandmother helped me learn German, since they were bilingual. With him I learned to fish, grow a garden, speak some German, and enjoy the ethnic central Texas culture. He and my grandmother only had one child, my mother, so my middle name comes from his first name. He was Edward Fredrick Tesmer.

True to his East Prussian heritage, he kept a spotless house, an immaculate yard, and everything always worked right at his house. He lived frugally, was a no frills man, and left my mother with investments to be built upon - these I continue to take care of as I try to be a good steward of this bequethed heritage.

Once in a convenience store in their small town the shopkeeper claimed all young people were dishonest and would steal in a shop if they had the chance. My grandfather immediately said his grandson Mark would never do that. The shopkeeper objected, so my grandfather told him it would be a long time before he ever bought anything there again.

His funeral was the first time I saw my mother and grandmother in true grief, but it is great comfort to know their grief has come to an end.
Since my life with him was a while back, I have no digital photos to upload. I still have to look for old ones to scan. But these words are an attempt to do justice to a grandfather whose strictness was tempered with a desire to share, all of which was surrounded by faithful love.

Hubert de Givenchy on Elegance...

2009-02-23T09:23:00.002+01:00

The minimalist "Bauhaus" style is in demand - some say it's elegant, while others find it stark or boring.

"The greatest elegance is that of the heart, which consists of doing good works with the highest degree of confidentiality, even anonymously. Elegance is always inconspicuous and never intrusive; it does not indulge itself in luxuriousness and display. Elegance is always the refinement of that which is simple and almost indiscernable..."

This quote is my translation from an article in which Givenchy commented on elegance. After all the pomp of Christmas, and now Carneval, and the Oscars yesterday in the USA, I needed a little refreshment and airing-out of my senses.

So one year goes by....

2009-02-20T22:52:00.002+01:00

In August 2004 we enjoyed a mild morning having coffee at Central Market in Fort Worth.

As of today it has been one year since I last saw my mother. I hugged her, kissed her, and felt confident I would see her again in just a few months, in the summer of 2008, since I was certain I was moving back to Texas to be there to help take care of her.

I walked out of the door and got into the car as my friend Randy drove me to the airport. I commented to him that now the most difficult part was over - saying goodbye was the most challenging. Little did I know I had just said my last goodbye in person to her during this life...

And about two weeks later here in Leipzig I had a shivering revelation that I would not see her alive again. I chose to ignore that knowledge, dismissing it as an insane notion. I knew there was something different about that notion, though. Yet I continued my plans, not suspecting that in just a few weeks the fabric of my life would be torn beyond all repair...

Fed Up with February Flurries...

2009-02-16T11:12:00.002+01:00

Here the view I was greeted with when I walked into my living room this morning...
The back deck doesn't look very inviting today....
This is where I stand in front of my apartment house and wait for the tram - just like these people.

I am officially tired and fed up with Winter. I am tired of not being able to keep clean shoes. I am tired of needing one whole minute to bundle myself up to go outside. Just as the paths in the forest were finally clear, we get another load of snow, so now it will be slip and slide in the forest again when I try to go running, and I will run, because I do not want to start gaining weight - that happens when you aren't 20 anymore and don't burn off calories that fast.
So those of you down under or over there in the warm south of the USA, think warm thoughts of us over here. This post wasn't profound, just mundane - too much cold stifles deeper thoughts...

February Funk

2009-02-07T16:39:00.002+01:00

Where have the days gone? We are well into February, and so far 2009 has been uneventful - a welcome change from a 2008 full of tragedy for me. Central Europe has been in a deep freeze, and terrible cold and flu viruses have been going around. I usually get off scott-free, but this time I was up for a round, so I have been nursing a bad cold and feeling blah all the time. Now I am healthy again, but the enegry you lose in the battle comes back slowly. And, that is why no posts have been forth-coming.

Why do we box time into artificial segments? Crops, mating seasons, the moon, etc. give us natural biological segmentation, but for humans, there are overriding aspects defying such separation. Birth, marriage, the rituals of the stages of life, and then death may provide the prominent pillars, but even many of these still do not stem the flow of union between events perhaps even far removed from the present.

I found a bargain two weeks ago: a box of the complete Beethoven String Quartets, performed by the Gewandhaus Quartet, the resident string quartet of the orchestra in Leipzig bearing the same name. 10 cds and a 96 page booklet for 10 Euros! (bar code no. 4 019272 601392) This set is already one of my all-time favourite collections. If you know Beethoven, you may know his lapel-grabbing tendencies and the lack of melodies in his works. But this interpretation of his string quartets uses impeccable purity of tone and intonation to present a Beethoven that doesn't grab you lapel but invades your psyche via the ear, leaving you haunted by the timelessness of his music - breaking the pillars convention would erect between events. At the end of his Nineth Symphony, you want to shout and scream, but the same sublime beauty and insight here leaves you in silent awe, as you agree with Wittgenstein, who, at the end of his most difficult work, said there are some things we cannot know, and our only response to these is silence.

Do not forget that by the time Beethoven composed most of these string quartets, he was completely deaf; he could hear nothing he composed - as far as we know. But he still heard as he composed. I hope we can listen as intently as he heard.

The always present perfect past

2009-01-14T20:34:00.004+01:00

Casper was our dear Weimaraner dog - as you see, I loved him much. My father took such a good photo of my mother, brother, and me with Casper that summer when I was 11.

This was mother's last time to see Francis in this life - in September 2003; she died in the summer 2004. Now they are sitting together again just like this - there is room for more of us on that couch....

My mother was a care giver for her mother (here in the photo with my father) the last seven years of my grandmother's life. Then my father and grandmother died within two weeks of each other, suddenly leaving my mother without her husband and mother. Now the bitterness of that loss has been turned to sweetest joy.

I posed a perfect picture - we all loved Casper. He left us first. Then my father, and then my mother last year. I wonder if Casper is also there with mother and dad now.

Where are your old discoloured photos? Your windows into your spirit never glaze over - those photos pull you to stand before your fuller identity, because they remind you of things past that have really never passed. We bring it all along all through life as we gather together our selves through this journey, and then, in the middle of life, we stand before the threshold of vastness, peering into something we can never see in this time of our existence.

All of these lives, all of these graves, all of this love, bitterness, pain, anguish, hope, and in it life grows, not as some march of progress from good to better but simply as the precious life the maker has given us from the moment we sparked into being.

The tasks we do are all replaceable. Anyone can mop, sweep, dust, program, play the violin, bake, and work as many other things, but like an undertow we create something matchless as we toil and work in these replaceable functions - we weave lives together creating something mirrored only in the mystery of the Trinity - truly inclusive love that brings others into the fold as those already there nurture their relationships of love and caring.

But that is something we peer into as into a fog now - how is such a thing possible? We cannot know the answer now, though we come closer as we cherish precious life as it is and was and will be, now and forever more.

My Texas Christmas 2008

2009-01-11T14:47:00.004+01:00

"Howdy!" from Chris, as he shows us the old Foyt Store in Mumford, Texas - now simply the Post Office. Chris' mother and grandmother used to run the store here until they closed it. Chris is studying acting and film directing in Los Angeles. He is a super intelligent, creative, and good-looking guy you will see in the movies some day. I'm fortunate to be related to future stars like this....
My cousin Julie (left) and Melanie (right), my other cousin's wife, prepare desserts for the Christmas Day meal.
Family bliss: My uncle Robert, my aunt Dorothy (the parents of my cousins Julie and Zack), and my brother Randy catch up on old times. My uncle was a pilot for AA all his life, and he was a pilot in WWII and flew the Berlin Air lift.
My aunt and uncle, and sitting on the couch my second cousin Haylee....
My cousin Julie watches me take a picture of Zack's (my other cousin) cat.
Zack and his wife Melanie. We had Christmas meal at their house.

I have now been back in Leipzig for about one day. I am still in the middle of jet lag, and there is about 18 inches of snow outside. Tomorrow the temperature will finally get above freezing here. But I look at all the wonderful photos of my visit to Texas the past three weeks, and no cold can invade me then. I am so glad all my family is within easy driving distance in Texas. The "trip" to Fort Worth for Christmas meal was only 26 minutes. And Julie and I drove to Hearne to visit the cemetary, and to Mumford to visit our family there. My great-aunt Lilian, who lived in the big house in Mumford, knew three US Presidents personally - that was something special, especially since back then women did not have nearly the political power they have today.

I also enjoyed catching up with old friends in the DFW area: Keith and Susan (old friends from high school band and church) and their three daughters, Randy and Jessica, Karen from Austin, and of course Chris and Ruth Ann and their kids in Austin.

As special as this Christmas was, it was still difficult for me and my brother, since this was our first Christmas without our mother. We spent much time on Christmas remembering my parents, our grandparents, and many other family members who are now together surrounded by God's very presence and waiting for us to join them for the ultimate family reunion.

Christmas in Texas en passant....

2009-01-05T17:47:00.002+01:00

I hope all of you are having the beginnings of a good new year. Lets hope that 2009 will be better to us than 2008.

After arriving in Dallas on December 19 I had much to do: renew my drivers license, settle some legal issues with the house, and order a headstone for my mother's grave. On Christmas day we were 15 family members at my cousin's house for a wonderful meal. I could visit with my aunt and uncle for a long time.

Last week, on Tuesday, my cousin and I drove to central Texas to visit the cemetary - my first time back there since we buried my mother there on April 4, 2008. We also visited relatives in Mumford, a wide spot on the road near the Brazos River. I got to know Chris there, a relative studying acting and film directing in LA. Then, on New Year's Eve, I ate Mexican food and saw "Doubt" with Meril Streep. Two friends and I saw the movie and ate together.

On January 1 I drove down to Austin to cash in on Chris' (from the blog here) offer for beer at Rover's. It had been over 5 years since seeing Chris, Ruth Ann, and all their children, so it was a great but too short reunion. I even made friends with "buns" - mister Bunny, their rabbit. And on Friday I had to use the AC in the car on the way up I35 - it was so warm. And Saturday it was 84 degrees - about 28C - in the Dallas area, which is quite a contrast to the frigid cold in central Europe that will greet me at my arrival in Leipzig this coming weekend.

Now I have a lot of yardwork to do before I hop on the plane Friday. I hope I can push myself...
I'll have more details and a few photos when I am back in Germany.
Wishing you all a good week....

The Last Christmas Party

2008-12-13T11:50:00.003+01:00

The last party for me was yesterday evening. I am very glad they are finally over. Too much of a good thing. I am now wasted - not from imbibing but from too much social interaction. And I still have a week to go. Why am I wasted? Because I never get to keeping my daily life in order - the apartment is a mess, my desk has English papers flung all over it, my pantry is a disgrace, and I am dealing with several friends who need to do homework concerning nurturing loyalty in the deepest relationships with people. And I also went through a grueling session at the dentist on Tuesday, causing me to miss 1.5 days of work.
I cannot complain about anything. Really. But at some point the social pressures to be everywhere begin to wear on you. How I long for a time like in the photo above - just sitting at the water with someone and having hours to talk about anything. I took this photo at the Elbe River in Dresden - the sun made the exposure come out the way it is.

I don't know if I will get to posting another entry before my flight to Texas or before Christmas - there is so much happening at the moment. Maybe I'll do it on the plane over Greenland.

But I wish you time for reflection and meditation, time to be thankful for everything and to think about others - Christmas is a time when many people suffer because there are empty places at the table, and they are reminded again how their lives feel empty. I hope we can all comfort each other with the true message of Christmas: God's unconditional love for all of his creation.

Torn Between Two Worlds....

2008-11-30T10:54:00.003+01:00

My life in central Europe...

My home in a suburb of the Dallas Fort Worth area...

My home someday, when I join the rest of my family here - my parents, grandparents, and great grandparents.

Advent greetings to all as the Christmas season 2008 officially and liturgically begins. For me this has become the time of year I dislike the most. I am no Scrooge. December is jam-packed with too many Christmas parties, too many people who want to get together "one last time this year", and too many crowds in the Leipzig Christmas Market, which is supposed to be one of the best in Germany. And to these reasons comes another: this will be my first Christmas without any parents; they are all buried in the cemetary you see in the photo above. There is simply too much going on in 28 days, and I am always relieved when January 2nd arrives, signalling the return of normal life.

This year I am again in Texas over Christmas, but this visit will be very difficult - my first visit to the home I grew up in, when I will experience it without parents. As my life continues to be successful over here in the "old world", I am torn more and more between the two continents.

I have one brother left in my immediate family, and one cousin with whom I have a close relationship. But putting the facts on the table produces the following scenario: I have very little contact to anyone in the states anymore. There are about five people in Texas who keep in contact with my by email, and some of them read this blog. No-one ever calls me on the phone, never ever. My mother was faithful - she was the consummate model of faithful unconditional love - and she always called me if more than a week elapsed with no contact. Yet when I visit Texas for only three weeks, at least two friends from Germany call me just to see how I am doing. And I know they are waiting for postcards from Texas.

So is this simply no more than the "out-of-sight-out-of-mind" phenomenon? Or does this speak to the different nature of relationships on the two continents? In the German culture, you traverse a huge psychological distance when you move from stranger to acquaintance to friend, for you use a different pronoun to address a friend (du instead of Sie) and you use their first name and not their last name. And friends often greet each other very affectionately here - two grown males will hug each other with their cheeks pressing against each other, and female friends kiss each other on both cheeks - reminding us of French customs. Americans, in contrast, are the world champions in smiling and laughing, but close body contact is something many of us shy away from. I remember a comment from former President Clinton how he did not like to hug men.

It seems that Americans are much more self-made individuals, where Europeans more typically find their self-definition in the web of family and friends as a type of psychological safety net giving them a context for life. Think of the cartoon figures in the states: Batman, Robin, the Lone Ranger, Spider Man, they all are lones who don't really seem to have any close friends, and if they do find close friends, as Spider Man fell in love, it can spell problems for their identity as a hero.

With all of these thoughts in my mind, I will be glad when normal life returns, so that I will have more time to think about these things.

I hope Christmas can give you moments of reflection and peace.

Winter Wonderland in November....?

2008-11-24T10:01:00.002+01:00

It's too early for this!! My geraniums are still blooming! Don't cover them up, Mr. Snowman...

Here we are in Frostyland and not even December yet.... This is the way our week is starting. I have just taken this photo a few minutes ago for your.... uh...pleasure. This weekend was busy, since I celebrated American Thanksgiving a few days early (Thanksgiving is on Thursday, but it is no holiday in Germany). We were seven people sitting at my table for a traditional Thanksgiving meal. The highlight of the evening for me was my pumpkin pie I made "from scratch" as we say - I even made the pie crust myself! And it tasted great. Everyone liked it. But when you go to the market and select a fresh pumpkin for the pie, you first have to bake it for an hour, then scrape the meat out and purée it in a blender. Then you do the rest of the recipe. It was a lot of work, but it was well worth it.

At Thanksgiving we give thanks, of course :-) What did I give thanks for? 2008 is a very bad year for me, overshadowed by the theft of my car in mid March and above all the death of my dear Mother on March 31. But I am always thankful for my loyal dears friends, and I reminded them of this at this meal. Of course, I have more friends here than only these at the table, but these at the table belong to the inner-circle of those who are helping me make it through this time of finding life after the death of the last parent. I want to share their (first) names with you: Stephan, Tobias and Claudia, Sebastian, Matthias and Gesine.

I'll go to work in a little and battle the snow, as I remember and give thanks for my dear friends here. Who are your friends you give thanks for?

Who's in charge? People or Technology?

2008-11-13T09:45:00.005+01:00

The old post office in Hearne, Texas, where my grandmother was the Postmaster back in the days when people wrote real letters to communicate.

The good old-days, nostalgia, talking about hours spent washing clothes, doing the dishes at the sink, hanging up the wash to dry on the clothes line - those were the days when we had time.
Now we have all these convienience appliances and technology: washing machines and dryers, dishwashers, microwave ovens, kitchen machines, coffee makers, etc. But we have much less time than our grandparents had, even though machines do all the work they used to spend all day doing.
Worse than that, we don't communicate very well. But wait, we have flat-rate calling plans for our mobile phones, land lines, and we have DSL internet, chatrooms, discussion forums in the internet, email (yawn), youtube, skype, text messaging, and probably some more I am leaving out. We are reachable 24 hours a day at every moment. I can experience something breathe-taking here in Germany, grab it on my digital cam, and within one hour friends and family in Texas can experience it with me and comment back. That is possible, at least.

But alas, that never happens.

Technology and convienience have duped us into thinking we have to stay "busy" all the time. Mobile phones are constantly flashing, ringing, buzzing, with someone texting or calling, so what does everyone do? They never answer the phone - let the voice mail pick it up, and "sometime" they will return the call. The time advantage technology gives you is thus down the drain.

And, in my opinion, the classic human weakness eliminates the advantages technology gives us. We become accustomed to the instant effortless communication and assume it, so it is no longer important. Who cares if I sit on an email or a voice mail for two weeks? Everyone is texting and emailing all day anyway, so it means nothing. Or "someday" I will find them on chat and we can catch up "then"....
It seems a predisposition of the more individualistic western mentalities - the USA at the forefront of these - to be preoccupied, "excited", about that which is in front of my nose at this moment. All else pales into oblivion while I am raptured with the object jumping up and down in from of my nose right now. The problem is, technology gives up so many things jumping up and down in front of our nose right now. We have no brain or emotional space for things stored in our memory bank.

There was a time when writing or getting a letter was something special. You got out your fountain pen, cleaned it, filled it with fresh ink, selected a piece of stationery, and began composing your thoughts to someone as you also produced a work of art - penmanship. And when you opened your mailbox and found such a letter, you sat down to open and read it. We still have a letter my great-grandmother wrote over 100 years ago, and her tears are on that letter - what a priceless treasure. When you read that letter, you entered another world as the world jumping up and down in front of your nose paled into oblivion.

Who recongizes anything personal in a times new roman font on a computer screen? We dash off emails with etrocious spelling and grammar, and if we are responding to a previous email, we often don't even answer half of the concerns our writer mentioned in the previous communication. Text messages have become like short hand - something that needs unraveling and fleshing out. And so we sit in restaurants with real live breathing people and ignore them while we stare at our mobile phones and punch letters into the screen for a text message - what a bass ackwards world!

I wonder if we have lost touch with the uniqueness of life and our relationships. Technology makes communication into a ware to be traded and sold on the market, to be quantified and packaged for the masses. We may have email, chatrooms, mobile phones, etc. available 24 hours a day, but the right opportunity for sending or responding to a message is not available 24 hours a day - there are only certain windows for such times. And those who purposefully ignore the distractions jumping up and down in front of their noses so that they can use those windows of communication, those people will help us save humanity from technology. Are you part of the problem or part of the solution?

A Post-mortem on Halloween and All Saints Day

2008-11-10T11:23:00.002+01:00

I was reading in a book on culture analysis - the chapter on final things in the Middle Ages. I paused to reflect on the comment that in the Middle Ages death was a part of daily life and thinking. It was a part of life. Today it apparantly is not a part of life.

In earlier generations people died at home (as they were born at home), you had wakes at home, and the cemetary was around the corner. You saw the undertaker go down the street, and you knew someone close by had died. So much of medieval literature and art directly speaks to the moments just before death - in those days anasthetics were not known, so dying was very painful. And then a sketch depicts an angel pulling the soul out of a dead person via the mouth.

Today we die in hospitals, often with no family or friends at the bedside at the hour of death. We embalm the dead, so that they look like they are asleeep dreaming pleasantly, and we cart them to massive cemetaries far from our daily lives. And the last hours before death are experienced - if at all - as a doped stupor, since morphine and other narcotics supress all pain. Birth has the epidural for the mother, so why not more drugs at the other end of life?

What has happened? I think we have shoved death out of life. We run from it, ignore, pretty it up, as if it were another event that can happen to some people who aren't careful.
We can't be certain about a lot of things in life - about money, marriage, children, our health, the weather. But we can all be certain that we will all die, the only question is when. This one experience we will all share together. And how will we look back on it when we are on the other side?

All Saints Day - or Day of the Dead - can help us remember some of these things. Commerical Halloween sweetens it all up, which can be good in some aspects. But where's the sweetness in death? Well, that's another topic.

The Tyranny of Success

2008-10-26T17:35:00.002+01:00

I am having random thoughts today around the pressure our world puts on us to be successful. We need to try, to make our best effort, to accomplish things - no one wants to be lazy, or inefficient. But sometimes (maybe even often) things happen that make life appear unsuccessful, or even a failure.

What does that mean? If a life is a failure, unsuccessful, then should that life have never happened? The doctor who tells the expecting mother that her child will be severely handicapped and asks her to consider aborting - what does that tell us about the way we think life should be? The senior citizen in her wheelchair in a nursing home looks at you and says, "I am no good for anybody or anything now - why am I alive?"

Or perhaps you are in the middle of your life. Your spouse leaves you - with more than an empty house. Now you have house payments, alimony, the glances from neighbours and family, and you wonder how all the holidays and rituals of life are supposed to happen with this picture of the intact family destroyed - so your family - or even you - is/are a failure?

You loose your dream job and can't find another similar job, or you have a devastating accident and are handicapped for the rest of your life. You can think of many similar situations to paint the picture of failure and disaster. Economics tells us that in every society there are people who contribute nothing to the society economically - they produce no goods or services, but they use up resources of the society. While it is important to track this to help an economy function well, when we focus too much on such analysis, we lose focus of the totality of life.

Life is precious simply because it is life. Period. Every life is unique and contributes to lives in ways we cannot fathom. The woman who did not abort her supposedly handicapped child now has a 16 year old gifted young son who plays the violin beautifully - where's the handicap? The senior citizen in the wheelchair has family and friends who still think about her every day even though she has been dead almost 20 years. She was my grandmother.

Life is not the sum of the goods and/or services we generate for a group. Life is a gift that, in my deepest conviction, comes from the creator of all things, and everything the creator makes is good. But sometimes we are so selfish or short-sighted that we cannot or will not see the good in something (or someone) that/who seems to serve no purpose. The end of this kind of thinking has already been seen in the Third Reich's attempts to annihilate entire groups of people.

Perhaps we should re-evaluate how we evaluate a society: how does it deal with and treat those who give it nothing (in goods and services) in return? And while we are at it, we can hold the mirror before ourselves and conduct the same evaluation in our own lives every day. Do we protect and cherish life of every kind?

"Revocation of Our Independence"

2008-10-17T15:13:00.002+02:00

Good day to all readers on this fair Friday. I have just gotten this notice from a thoughtful friend in Leipzig. Now, after all our problems with various administrations, it would appear that we are finally returning home.... Do enjoy this riveting read....

To the citizens of the United States of America from

Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II

In light of your failure in recent years to nominate competent
candidates for President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we
hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective
immediately.

(You should look up 'revocation' in the Oxford English Dictionary.)

Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties
over all states, commonwealths, and territories (except Kansas, which
she does not fancy).

Your new Prime Minister, Gordon Brown, will appoint a Governor for
America without the need for further elections.

Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire may be
circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed.

To aid in the transition to a British Crown dependency, the following
rules are introduced with immediate effect:

-----------------------

1. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as
'colour,' 'favour,' 'labour' and 'neighbour.' Likewise, you will learn
to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters, and the suffix
'-ize' will be replaced by the suffix '-ise.' Generally, you will be
expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. (look up
'vocabulary').

------------------------

2. Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises
such as ''like' and 'you know' is an unacceptable and inefficient form
of communication. There is no such thing as U.S. English. We will let
Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be
adjusted to take into account the reinstated letter 'u'' and the
elimination of '-ize.'

-------------------

3. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday.

-----------------

4. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns,
lawyers, or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and
therapists shows that you're not quite ready to be independent. Guns
should only be used for shooting grouse. If you can't sort things out
without suing someone or speaking to a therapist,then you're not ready
to shoot grouse.

----------------------

5. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything
more dangerous than a vegetable peeler. Although a permit will be
required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.

----------------------

6. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will
start driving on the left side with immediate effect. At the same time,
you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of
conversion tables. Both roundabouts and metrication will help you
understand the British sense of humour.

--------------------

7. The former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been
calling gasoline) of roughly $10/US gallon. Get used to it.

-------------------

8. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French
fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato
chips are properly called crisps. Real chips are thick cut, fried in
animal fat, and dressed not with catsup but with vinegar.

-------------------

9. The cold, tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually
beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to
as beer, and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be
referred to as Lager. South African beer is also acceptable, as they
are pound for pound the greatest sporting nation on earth and it can
only be due to the beer. They are also part of the British Commonwealth
- see what it did for them. American brands will be referred to as
Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine, so that all can be sold without risk of
further confusion.

---------------------

10. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as
good guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to
play English characters. Watching Andie Macdowell attempt English
dialogue in Four Weddings and a Funeral was an experience akin to having
one's ears removed with a cheese grater.

---------------------

11. You will cease playing American football. There is only one kind of
proper football; you call it soccer. Those of you brave enough will, in
time, be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American
football, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds
or wearing full kevlar body armour like a bunch of nancies).

---------------------

12. Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to
host an event called the World Series for a game which is not played
outside of America. Since only 2.1% of you are aware there is a world
beyond your borders, your error is understandable. You will learn
cricket, and we will let you face the South Africans first to take the
sting out of their deliveries.

--------------------

13. You must tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us mad.

-----------------

14. An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty's
Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all
monies due (backdated to 1776).

---------------

15. Daily Tea Time begins promptly at 4 p.m. with proper cups, with
saucers, and never mugs, with high quality biscuits (cookies) and cakes;
plus strawberries (with cream) when in season.

------------------

God Save the Queen! Isn't she sweet

Out of sight out of mind

2008-10-13T19:54:00.003+02:00

Nix von wegen "aus dem Auge"! Out of sight - out of my mind... no way...

It has been about 28 months since I started this blog. Al Gore praises blogs and internet forums as a way to finally recreate a type of public square, where people can truly exchange ideas and participate in the flow of information in all directions. I am sure this blog does indeed help Mr. Gore's concern.

I choose the name of this blog with a particular phenomenon in mind which one my friends in Lübeck has mentioned when weighing the pros and cons of life in the United States. How often does contact seem to dissolve or perhaps fall asleep? After so many shared experiences in the land of the free, one goes to another continent, and after a time you simply don't here from people any more - "out of sight out of mind" as we say in English, or "aus dem Auge aus dem Sinn" in German. I created this blog as an effort to battle against this "sight-mind" predicament, and since some I know in the states welcomed my new blog, I looked forward to more reliable contact. Now we can share photos, and they can get an idea of my life here in east Germany and compare it to life in the Lone Start State.

And now, when I look over the comments that have accumulated and the results of the live feed, I see my most loyal readers and commenters are all either in the European continent or "down under". Readers from the states are few and far between.

But how baffelling it is that the people who know me in so-called real life seem so uninterested in any kind of regular checking-in - even just visiting the page would show interest requiring almost no effort - you won't "bust a gut" clicking on the link for this blog. And I know when I visit the states the next time all will be normal - as if I had just been there yesterday. So there is no animosity or estrangement in the works - I think, at least.

I am thankful for any and all readers - what a unique opportunity to in some way get to know people you could never contact otherwise. But I now wonder if my friend in Lübeck is correct. Are we Americans simply that way, that we have such short memories that we forget anyone who is not physically around us regularly? Or are we "soooo busy" that we just can't click on one more link? "I am busy" seems to be the existiential justification for existence in the western world these days.
Do we need more effort to create forced remembrance in our lives? A little thinking, a little looking, and "someday you will find me in Saxony"....

Falling Asleep Elegantly

2008-10-09T14:53:00.003+02:00

I wake up to this view every morning - from the south window of my bedroom.
Here I am today standing in my living with my east deck behind me.

Someone who didn't know when to stop playing - in a beautiful garden I walked to on Sunday.
Fallen leaves on steps in a garden.
a stream I run alongside several times a week.

Greek splendour by the lake in the park.
the river flows...
such brilliant colors
the path I run along three times a week.

Autumn can be a very sad time, since it reminds us that life around us dies. The trees turn barren, and certain plants that only live one season soon die for good. But for a short time this process of death and going into hibernation takes on unique beauty, revealing facets of plants we never see in the prime of their life. What is Fall doing at your location? I'll bring more photos along soon, as the colors get more dramatic.

Starbuck's is finally in Leipzig

2008-10-07T15:30:00.004+02:00

This was at a Starbuck's in Cologne. Now I don't have to travel several hours to get to the next one...

Yesterday - Monday - was an eventful day, because Leipzig has finally joined the ranks of every major German city - it has at least one Starbuck's cafe. Of course, it looks, sounds, and smells like every Starbuck's, whether in the USA, in Munich, Berlin, or Cologne, or in an airport somewhere. I didn't have a lot of time today, so I only had one coffee and a sandwich of tomato, mozarella, and ciabatte. I did hear many different languages: British and American English, English with a German accent, normal Leipzig-German, accent-free standard German, and German with a thick Italian accent.
The Leipzig cafe is situated at the corner of the Nikolaistrasse and Brühl with a beautiful corner seating area providing a panoramic view of this part of the city centre.

I remember many conversations in Starbuck's in Berlin, Cologne, and in the Dallas area. But then I also remember that I often had my mother with me when visiting Starbuck's in Texas. So now the two worlds coalesce, erasing away some of the disparity between them.

The Terror of Truth's Beauty

2008-10-03T11:53:00.002+02:00

A summer thunderstorm approaches and would attempt to disturb the peace of a cemetary.

If you click on any photo, you will see the orignal (larger) size, revealing many details. Here the clouds are stunning - mountains and valleys parading across the sky, but yet there is terror to this beauty - wind, hail, lightning, flash floods not only participate in, but are this beauty also.
Towards the end of the last movement in Mahler's second symphony one experiences a musical version of this. The text speaks of dying in order to live, of rising again, and as the gigantic orchestra, organ, and massive choir, supported by rumbling bass drums and tympani, prepare the listener for the revelation of this resurrection, one of those rare moments of sublime beauty occur that strikes terror in you - as if you must shout "stop this, I can't take any more of this beauty!" while you begin to writhe.
I think this is what the authors recording theophanies in the Old Testament experienced when they saw the God of Israel on the mountain; beauty and truth simply too intense and too much for a human in this life to process and deal with.
But we keep seeking and creating - or imitating - truth and beauty; our destiny or a diversion?

Unity Day in Germany

2008-10-03T11:23:00.002+02:00

Standing at the door from the kitchen onto my deck, today you have this view...
On my west deck looking north you enjoy these colours...
On my deck looking south you have this treat.... if only it were warm so I could sit out...

Happy Unity Day to all.... this is a recent holiday in the rather recently re-united Federal Repubilc of Germany - 18 years old now. What do many Germans do on this holiday? Last night the youth were getting drunk; lots of beer, vodka, and Jägermeister drinking going on in the trams late last night. I was also at a party - with plenty of excellent cocktails, so I was in bed at 1:30 am. today.
What are we all doing today? Many are taking trips with the extended weekend. Some are simply resting and catching up on things around the house (there I am), and a few will go to some memorial worship services commemorating German Unity.
How sad it is that this new unity seems to go so unnoticed. Many have forgotten what cold-war Europe was like, what life in the GDR was really like. Please see the film "The Life of Others" ("Das Leben der Anderen") for an interesting study of the systematic surveillance of everyone in that society.
Or maybe unity has become more a romantic notion of something that is not achievable or perhaps not even desireable. Germany is, after all, so full of regional dialects, cultural variations, etc., that someone in Freiburg im Breisgau probably has more in common with someone from Zürich than with someone from Hamburg.

What am I doing today? I am drinking tea, eating my scones I just baked myself, listening to music, going to a music instrument museum this afternoon, doing some translating, and meeting a friend this evening at an Irish pub for dinner and beer from the island. I may make it to an intercultural festival in the city centre. And I may sit out on my deck here on the fourth floor and enjoy the view - now you can enjoy it with me!

Autumn

2008-09-28T11:38:00.003+02:00

Fall begins - leaves become colourful and reflect in a large pond in the middle of Leipzig
A typical street in the city - apartment buildings from the Gründerzeit of the late 19th century with cobblestone streets - no trace of Fall here...

Fall is unfolding now. Today is a wonderful clear day at the end of September. The sunlight now has that typical soft golden character I never see in Texas, and every morning there is fog, since the ground is still warm and the air is cooling rapidly.
The problem is, the days are getting so short. What do you do here to fight that? You start going to events - concerts, cinema, plays, markets, and you make plans for Christmas. Fall here is full of memory days - Reformation Day, Day of German Unity, Day of Prayer and Repentence, Ertnedankfest - where you give thanks for the harvest.
After all the outdoor activity of Summer, Fall seems a good time to reflect with candles and tea. But this is also a dangerous time - cold, dark, and damp - what do people with depressive tendencies do? This is a good time for us to be alert for ways to help others, which may also help us make it through these days better.

little red rose

2008-09-21T14:36:00.002+02:00

beautiful blue Morning Glories - I brought the seeds with me from Texas in April.

A poem I never understood:

"O little red rose, Man lies in direst need! Man lies in deepest pain! I would rather be in heaven!"

This is the first half in translation from Des Knaben Wunderhorn.

Just after we had buried my mother, my brother bent over the fresh grave and, with tears in his eyes, selected one little red rose to carry back home in remembrance.

Instantly I understood this poem.

How beautiful is the little rose - yet fragile and soon withered.

How could it be that true love and beauty could go on without decaying? Is truth, love, and beauty so destined?

Fresh figs with Blue Bell vanilla ice cream - I always remember my grandmother in Hearne and the figs from her tree.

Lantana - speckles of orange and yellow - I remember my other grandmother and this flower in her front yard.

The sound of gravel crunching under the tires - and I always got ready for a big long hug from my grandmother as she picked me up and kissed me.

These are all part of the little red rose - reminding us of exclusion and embrace as we look forward to the end of exclusion.

summer smiles surprised as time walks by

2008-09-11T21:29:00.002+02:00

I like street cafés here. Leipzig has many. They let you people watch, so you see lives go by - wide, thin, tall, short, well-groomed, yawn-boring, and knock-down good-looking. How much of this is voyeuristic or simply part of learning to understand the nature of life?

Saturday evening I wanted to go to an open-air concert of the Gewandhaus Orchestra - one of the oldest ensembles in the world. Just before the concert began, it started raining, so the event was moved into the concert hall. Immediately the 2,000 people gathered began streaming to the other side of the square to be the first into the hall. We, with our wine and beer in hand, sought a street café on the side-line and just observed the chaos. Since one of the guys in our party was the public relations director for this orchestra, I had an inside angle on the whole event. Since the hall did not seat 2,000, we decided to forgo the event and sought a tapas bar instead. After the concert all the orchestra musicians came to the tapas bar also, so we still had some skewed participation in the event, and we did a lot of people watching.

I also watch the leaves - fall is starting, but summer is still here. It is sunny, highs in the upper 70s (25 C), and yet the leaves are turning. Reminds me of a German poem "Sommer lächelt, erstaunt und matt in dem sterbenden Gartentraum" (Summer smiles surprised and drooping in the dying garden dream - my own translation). This does not happen in Texas, but in Texas we do not sit in street cafés and watch the people saunter by. And in Texas the leaves fall in a day or two, instead of in a month or two.

Yet I enjoy this - it gives me the illusion of standing away from the stream observing life passing by in many others, though I actually do continue to participate in this passing.

These thoughts help me when I feel overwhelmed by the passing by of life in my own existence.

a sad anniversary

2008-08-31T11:06:00.003+02:00

At the time it was insignificant - now a priceless photo...

Five months ago today my mother left this life to join the most important people in her life. The problem is, she left two of us (my brother and I) here in this life. In this photo you see my mother with her husband, my father, on her right, and her mother, my grandmother, sitting below her. As we spend more time in this life, we see more clearly that who we are is a product of those who were always there for us, regardless of how we accepted it. 15 months after this photo was made, two of those in it passed on to the rest of our existence. Five months ago my mother joined them.

I hope you have a reflective Sunday, as we come into the time of year when the environment changes so quickly.

memories

2008-08-24T22:21:00.003+02:00

My mother remembers her parents at their graves. Now we remember her at her grave.

God sees the rainbow and remembers his promise to never again destroy the earth by water.

What happens when you remember someone or something?

Your hard drive changes the magnetized pattern, and it is remembered. But the word betrays the human process. Re-member me. Put me back into your body, into the members of your body. German uses sich erinnern - to put something or -one inside oneself. A memory becomes a part of our self, our life, in some way. It is more than a sterile storage of a fact or row of data.

A memory is a part of us, it participates in our life now and belongs to our person.

And those things that are a part of us and belong to our person are all memories of some sort.

Before you click on delete - whether on your laptop or in your real lap, consider if you want to remove this memory from your life.

But are you even able to forget those things that are really a part of your life? So German calls a memorial statue a Denkmal - literally - think about it.

These thoughts are very important for all of us - please re-member them.

encore Berlin

2008-08-11T09:45:00.003+02:00

Voilà La Fayette! A glass cylinder in the middle becomes a fashion statement...
Ludwig helps Felix select drinking pots...
Ludwig leaving the mens department wearing his purchase...
Ludwig and Felix (and I) eating in the restaurant section of La Fayette...
The Von Humbholt statue in front of the Humbholt University in central Berlin.

What do you do in the middle of August? Go to Berlin on the weekend. That is what I did. With the high-speed train from Leipzig, I was at the main train station in Berlin on Saturday morning after only one hour of a rail jaunt. I can always go to Berlin, but this was a way to spend the weekend with Felix and Ludwig - two brothers originally from Leipzig.

We wanted to see the Babylon exhibit at the Pergamon Museum, but the line was terribly long, so we opted for the Martin Gropius building with a museum hosting an exhibit on "the Graves of Paestum" - remnants from a temple and grave area in southern Italy. We ate Saturday at "Gorilla" - a natural food restaurant, where I discovered that gorillas only eat plants - I never knew vegetarians could get so strong and big....

Well, it was a wonderful weekend with shopping at La Fayette, KaDeWe, and other places. Enjoy my photos and come to Berlin! As the mayor there says, "Berlin is poor but sexy." If I go there, then both must be true...lol.

Tagging revealed.....

2008-08-04T20:13:00.004+02:00

I have just come in from running - how do you like the flowers? I am not talking to you through the flowers but next to them....

And here I finally respond to Chris' tagging. By the way, "Durch die Blume reden.." "talking through the flower" means criticizing someone in a very indirect way, something I do not do - on this blog, at least...

A. Attached or single? Single....

B. Best Friend? Some are already departed, other still among us, and I share my apartment with one of them...

C. Cake or Pie? Torte...

D. Day of choice? Saturday - more concerts...

E. Essential item? Tea!

F. Favorite colour? Sky Blue

G. Gummy Bears or worms? no no no...

H. Home Town? Bedford, Texas

I. Favourite indulgence? Sachertorte

J. January or July? January (July is too hot!)

K. Kids? Yes, but please don't try to repopulate the globe in one.....

L. Life isn't complete without.... genuine love.

M. Marriage date? N/A

N. Number of brothers and sisters? 1 brother.

O. oranges or apples? Oranges

P. Phobias? None, really.

Q. Quotes? Solomon from the Old Testament: "Love is stronger than Death." Amen.

R. Reasons to smile? Every time I remember that genuine real love conquers all.

S. Season of choice? Spring, when the sunlight has a soft golden hue and life returns.

T. Tag 4 people: Karen, Ruth Ann, Bettina, and Randy C. in Arlington (which means he will have to get a blog...).

U. Unknown fact about me? I am (distantly) related to Larry Hagmann (the infamous J.R.)

V. Vegetable? Always! Vegetarians will save the environment!!

W. Worst habit? I imitate musical sounds of elevators and other machines that serve us in daily life.

X. Xray or ultrasound? sonar.

Y. Your favourite food? real sourdough bread and a real French baguette.

Z. Zodiay sign? Capricorn, but I do not believe in Astrology.

2008-08-02T17:18:00.004+02:00

How do you like my geraniums? In Texas the heat makes it impossible to grow them, but here it's easy....

I have been tagged by Chris in Austin, so I will get this over with quickly, since I am going to the movies in a few hours to see "The Elephant King" - a movie about two brothers, one living in Thailand and the other back home in the US. You guess why the movie interests me....

c'est la vie en Europe...

And I can't seem to cut and paste my answers into the little window - what a bother.... so I will have to do it later....

Collage: Leipzig City Centre

2008-07-23T21:23:00.003+02:00

The Leipzig Cotton Manufactur - a historic building
A view of the St. Thomas Church from Café Luise, one of my favorite places. Here I am sitting outside drinking coffee and enjoying this view.
The clock tower of the old city hall, from the 15th century
The Grimmaische Straße - one of the oldest streets in Leipzig.
The Messehofpassage - trade fair passage - seen from Café Darboven.
A restored department store building - housing Karstadt now.
The contrast of old and new in downtown Leipzig
The Passage in Speckshof - the inner court of the Speck building.

Here you have snapshots of my daily life, since my work takes me past most of these scenes several times a week. I often take breaks here to prepare for classes, read, or just relax.

Knowledge is Power

2008-07-21T21:28:00.004+02:00

Join me for a fresh espresso and a praline of your choice - over 250 to choose from...
Or would you rather read the Munich paper with me and have a cup of coffee in the Biergarten at the Glashaus...
Okay, we talk over espresso, and you see this backdrop...

This is not really about coffee drinks but rather a topic on my mind for years.

Many things motivated Europeans to leave the "old world" for the new. Among them was the idea - born of the Enlightenment but not new - that "all humans are created equal". This is no new idea. In the New Testament Paul quotes the Old Testament, saying"God is no respector of persons...". Literally from the Hebrew, God does not stand there as an ancient Asian Despot, before whom all must bow their faces and touch the ground with their foreheads, after which the despot allows some to raise their head, while others must remain bowed. Not so with the real ruler of all: he gives no special advantages to anyone.

This is truly still a radical thought: no color of skin, no academic or royal title, no professional or theological or church achievement, no amount of money or appearance gives any of us an advantage over others.

We all share in the same human predicament: saved by grace but still subjected to the human shortcomings, among which the greatest are the lust for power and money.

The founding fathers of the United States were well aware of these shortcomings - they built protective measures into the Constitution to assure that no one interest group would have the opportunity to take advantage of others. These are referred to as checks and balances. Behind this was the wish - the prerequisite - that knowledge must flow freely and in all directions in a group that preserves the equality of all humans.

Perhaps you are already thinking with me. "Knowledge is power" said an ancient Greek philosopher, especially when I know something you don't know, and you don't even know that I know it. Not only does this address the serious responsibility of journalists. It also alerts us to how easy it is create an imbalance of power and influence, which often results in unfair advantages to one group over other groups, which can sway the hearts and minds of others unfairly. We sometimes call this propaganda, sometimes coercion, sometimes downright deception.

While we may shake our heads when we see this on the political front of various nations, it is even more revolting to experience this in a group that would quote Paul before it would cite the US Constitution. Those who would uphold the unity we all have in Christ - the sameness and equality of all believers - can then also deliberately establish approved avenues of procedure to intentionally hold knowledge from those who they, as leaders, have been called to care for.

Earlier times saw the condemnation of translations of the Bible or banning teaching except from approved persons or institutions. The Roman Catholic faith presents another variant: divine sanction as the wild card. If you need a justification for your special priviledges with knowledge (and, thus, power), you simply need a direct mandate from God. According to this, the directives of the church leadership are also from God himself. And the King was also ruler by God's grace, so you had better obey the King and not question his power.

Yet Protestant secular leaders and free church leaders still aspire to such divine mandates. "I believe God has called me to be......" . You fill in the blank: governor, preacher, president, bishop, whatever. if God has called you, then who dare question your authority?

But, aren't all humans created equal? Paul said that, and he was certainly called by God. But how intoxicating can power be..... as the current world stage shows. Checks and balances serve us well, as we all correct each other and hold each other in check and balance, when we realize our equality. Yet leaders - individuals and groups, political and church - can hire and fire, pro- and demote church workers stateside and abroad using their monopoly on power and knowledge to stage pro forma meetings, any kind of "discussion" forum, even though their decisions were already made well in advance. Numerous cases in US current events come to mind. Indeed, this very writer has experienced first hand in the religious arena the detesting hypocrysy of being duped into staged situations in which the real matter to be decided was the power and reputation of others, and this writer's fate played only an ancillary role.

What am I learning from this? How tragic it is when someone or some group claims others have nothing to tell them, or they refuse to communicate openly to others. And, in any decision-making forum, I always look for the checks and balances. Does the leadership communicate openly? That is, does the leadership engage in true open discussions, and not simply impart information to others? Too often have I experienced staged meetings, in which leadership simply made announcements or probed the participants for information while revealing nothing about their thoughts.

I am thankful for the more critical journalism here in Europe and for the lessons that have been learned from totalitarian goverments restricting knowledge and power. But the danger of falling back never abates. Yes, even literary theory helps us, as semiotics and deconstruction help us to uncover the power structures so deeply assumed in the narratives we read and promulgate in our daily lives. Critical reading and discussing are essential, yet who takes the time for that nowadays?

If you have read with me, I hope your espresso kept you alert.... and thank you for your attention.

Saturday Evening Mass in St. Peter's Church....

2008-07-19T23:18:00.005+02:00

Some of the hauntingly beautiful stained-glass windows
the chorus in action with the Camerata Lipsiensis
a close-up of chorus and orchestra
Another close-up
The duet Domine Deus, rex coelestis

The Peterskirche from outside
And from inside
sacred spaces
Today was no normal Saturday. I was running errands in the city this afternoon and taking a break in a café, where I saw someone wheeling an elderly lady in a wheelchair. Suddenly I saw my mother in front of me, and the whole range of emotions exploded.

When you think you may be recovering, this happens to remind you how little time effects healing.

I decided to go to a concert in the Peterskirche - St. Peter's Church - just south of the city centre and only 10 minutes by tram from my flat. At 7:30 pm. the Oratorio Choir of Tokyo (Japan, of course) was performing J. S. Bach's B-minor Mass with the Camerata Lipsiensis, a Leipzig orchestra made up primarily of music conservatory students. This should help my mood, I thought.

As you see from the photos above, the Peterskirche has an almost mystical and quite sacred atmosphere. Restoration moves slowly in this, one of the few gothic churches of Leipzig, giving it a type of haunted atmosphere. Add the late evening sun streaming through the stained glass windows, and you are ready for a gothic romance.

Then the performance began. This is an excellent choir that has already produced several professional cds, including a recording of the Bach B-minor Mass. Such standards were noticeable in the performance. Here was an intimate Bach that played, in the baroque fashion, with the melismen and tacitura, creating an ephemeral melody line almost like incense wafting through the rows.

I am always amazed at the style of Bach concerts I experience in Leipzig, the home of Bach for his last 27 years of life. No matter which group performs, there is a vitality and joy in the playing that makes it hard to sit still during the concert - J. S. Bach is still in the air here, and time stands still as music 250 years old seems as fresh as if the ink on the pages were still wet.

Though I own a recording of this mass, this is the first hearing that has called to my attention how much dissonance Bach has put into the work. Melodies and harmonies move chromatically in a way one would assume in the late 19th century. Perhaps my favorite section was laudamus te - we praise you - sung so personally by the soprano soloist. When it came to the section of the credo - et ressurrexit tertia die - you felt the power and glory of something humans still cannot fathom.

Finally, at the end, I realized dona nobis pacem - give them peace. Time cannot heal all things, but, as I experienced in this concert, peace can still come in spite of grief.

And, this concert was free - it was a gift from the chorus to the St. Peter's Church in Leipzig. What a beatiful gift - a showing of grace - from messengers from across the world. As if God gave his blessing, during the final dona nobis pacem it began pouring rain and thundering and lightening outside - what perfectly timed divine support for the tympani and trumpets, as we all were ceremonially baptized in the deluge as we then left the church with the last chords and words still in our ears, hearts, and minds.

Summer in Leipzig

2008-07-15T19:51:00.002+02:00

This little pond is in the central city area - an oasis of rest.

Here we visit the birds in Clara Zetkin Park in central Leipzig

Cooking out with Matthias and Gesine and their daughter Felicitas

Matthias' father puts some Bratwurst on the grill....

Some young families feeding the birds at a park

Here is a post with lighter topics. These photos show aspects of my life in the summer here. The temperatures are mild - highs in the mid 20s - upper 70s Fahrenheit - so sweating isn't a problem.

On Saturday my friends Matthias and Gesine invited me to eat with them, so we cooked out at Matthias' father's place. We ate, talked, and sat next to the fire to stay warm until 1:30 am., when we called it a day. Pretty typical for Germany in the summer.

a rainy July day

2008-07-14T23:13:00.003+02:00

Café Grundmann - an art deco cafe with some of the best cakes and tortes in Leipzig

The corner of August Bebel Straße, with many Gründerzeit buildings.

The tramstop Südplatz - I am here virtually every day.

KillyWilly - an Irish pub at Südplatz; Leipzig has several Irish watering holes.

When I returned from Texas in April, I was back in my daily life here, traveling down these streets, as well as many other streets, and interacting with people again. Here in East Germany there are many people with little or no connection to religion, often called atheists. This is one of the results of fifty years of a state-sponsored socialist dictatorship.

In relating to my friends and acquaintances how I had lost my mother, I usually mentioned my faith and my conviction that I will see all my family members again. In response to this, I got, in essence the following reactions:

- silence, meaning the person did not show a reaction to my expression of faith in a life after this life.

- respect for my conviction, since it helps me deal with the tragedy.

- the most considerate response: "Why not? Since millions of people on earth believe in life after this life, there must something important there that helps a lot of people."

I also spoke with the pedagogical manager of a language school I work for. The manager is a Christian and grew up in East Germany. So I asked her how most people here deal with death in their immediate family. The answer: it is an extremely difficult situation. For them death is an enemy you can do nothing about, so just avoid it as long as possible. It is the end of all things, after which we know nothing.

In an unexpected turn, this lack of support from a number of people has actually given me strength. Even though the death of a parent is a rift in your life, I focus even more on the coming permanent reunion and gain strength from this hope. But what would there be without this hope?

Rain and Sun

2008-07-08T16:29:00.002+02:00

I'll try a little post here, but it isn't easy. Last week I fell asleep, and it happened.

There I was talking to my mother, and she was laughing, how the doctors were saying there was nothing they could do for her, how she would die in just a few hours. And the doctors were standing next to her shaking their heads in disbelief, that she was still standing there in that simple but nice white blouse. Out of pure happiness I grabbed her and hugged her for a long time as we kept on talking. And she kept saying "I'm still here, I've never gone away." And her white blouse surrounded us and became a wonderful cloud, but then something happened, and I saw yellow - the yellow of the wall of my bedroom, and I thought, "well, now I am dreaming, because I am in bed somewhere. But after a few moments of reflection, I realized that white must have been the dream, and yellow was reality - I guess.

I still think often about that experience that many might call a dream, for there was a crispness and three-dimensionality to that conversation with my mother that separates it from all other dreams, and I experienced her nearness in such a unique way, that seeing the yellow of my bedroom wall made me think that dream and reality were mixed up.

I have decided it was not a dream, but the grace of God, that he gave me the comfort of knowing that she - as the rest of our family also - is still here with us.

To close, I have a CD recommendation. Maurice Durufle's Requiem, Opus 9, performed by the Atlanta Symphony Orchestra and Chorus under Robert Shaw. Telarc CD-80135.

Now that I know the grief of loss freshly, I listen to this mass of loss and realize the subtelty of grief, how it captures you when you think it might abate, how you stand there mourning as your loved one ascends into glory in the first movement of the Requiem. Then following movements accompany the anger and grief with the noble restraint so typical of anything French. It rains and the sun shines often in this mass, as you realize life as we know it now can leave us mourning and baffled as we search for comfort.

And comfort is there, as my previous post mentions...

Every cloud has its silver lining indeed....

2008-06-18T18:08:00.003+02:00

The view from my west deck about 9 pm. any day in June

I spend a lot of time looking at the sky these days. When you look up, you see the border between "here" and "not here" is invisible. Where do you cross that line and suddenly find yourself "no longer here"? But when you see a cloud, it suddenly makes "not here" seem much more noticeable.

I think Ascension Day is a holiday that is sorely neglected. Of all events, this one should help us see this distinction much better. According to sources, Jesus spent about 40 days with his followers after his resurrection. Then, while they were standing with him, he - that is, he and his physical body with the wounds from his crucifixion - rose up and up into the sky and left their sight. Here is no room for neo-platonic separation of (good) spirit and (evil) matter - spirit and matter rose into the realm of God as a unity.

The man who stands in for us - he and his body crossed that border and went up next to the creator of everything anywhere and sat down next to him - he still sits there now with the same wounds from his execution, reminding us every moment that true love is eternally stronger than death, for true love seemed to tear up all our biology and chemistry teaches us about what happens to a life form when it "dies." Yet true love is also the author of all the real rules of biology and chemistry that we will never excavate entirely.

In the western (that ist, between Roman Catholic East Europe and westward) Christian world, we see many crucifixes - Jesus suffering on the cross. But that leaves us standing in Good Friday waiting for what comes next.

The earliest Christians had it right; in their catacombs in Rome they gave us "graffiti" not of Jesus suffering on the cross, but of Jesus, the Lord of all the universe, reigning with all power. They knew what they were about to see when they closed their eyes the last time - the blood had already flown, that was over. They were about to see the real ruler of all. Ascension Day reminds me, at least, that it is not death but life that enters into the ream of God, because true love is stronger than death.

Dream - Reality - Dream?

2008-06-05T21:27:00.004+02:00

Here I am asleep in a Berlin tram; why would I ever want to awaken? In my dream I am with my mother at:

At West End in Dallas in February 2006 - my mother enjoying what would be her last visit to central Dallas.
The Galleria in Dallas in February 2006: my mother (on the far right) with my friends Steve and Marita from Germany.

Dreams often have more of reality than our waking life. How much of our waking life allows us to concentrate on what is really most important to us, what we often attempt to ignore or deny? And so my dreams now do me this service and allow me to enjoy more time with the most important lady in my life as I await the union of dream and reality.

Life Between Resurrection and Ascension

2008-05-25T13:25:00.003+02:00

Do you see the rainbow reminding us that storms cannot take away our hope and God's promise.

For me it is more than symbolic that my mother passed away between resurrection Sunday and Ascension Day - she left us and reminds us that we remain here between these two pillars of existence. So how did Jesus' followers feel after they saw him bodily go up into the sky? They had been together with him for about 3 years almost daily. But I knew no life without my mother somewhere, near or far, still playing an important role in my life. Now I have to find a life between resurrection and ascension, a life in which I remember her and anticipate seeing her again.

Help has come from different sources. The Bible and prayer play primary roles. A little book by N.T. Wright, "Following Jesus, Reflections on Biblical Discipleship" has been very helpful in clairifying misunderstandings about life after this life. And a CD I seldom heard has reminded me that for Christians, when we see God directly and see our family and friends again, knowing there will never be a separation ever again, it is a time, an existence of matchless joy and celebration, described in the Bible as a giant feast with the best foods and wine and lots of dancing. In other words, you cannot imagine having a better time. And all our family and friends who have passed out of this life now enjoy this feast, and they also long for us to join them, and they know we will join them, sooner or later.

So for me, this time of waiting is a part of the "sting of death" Paul talks about in 1 Corinthians 15, the emotional grief and pain of separation that should also remind us: this is the last thing that God will remove, and then it is all over. No more pain, grief, separation, tears, fear, insecurity, or wondering what will happen.

Elegy of love and hope

2008-05-03T22:47:00.002+02:00

My Mother at Central Market in Fort Worth in August 2004

My Mother at the Botanical Gardens in Fort Worth in March 2005

Our last visit to the family cemetary in January 2007. Now she has joined the rest of our family to await the resurrection.

You are my first thought when I wake,

when I see pictures of you, I get weak,

I know right away if anything I do or experience would make you laugh or smile,

And I think of everything I want to tell you every day,

I recognize gifts that would touch you,

And remember restaurant meals you would like,

but none of these things can change the bitter reality;

for you are gone.

When will I ever see you again?

Yet I still feel your presence every day

knowing what you say

seeing the look in your face

that speaks volumes to someone you love;

When will I take you in my arms again

and know that I am finally where I belong?

When the trumpets sound

And I lay my head the last time down

Then I will redeem my love and longing

As I feel your true face the Maker fit you with from eternity,

As I hear your real voice with my perfect ears;

We will dance again like in that dance class,

But this time there will be no stumbling,

For you have taught me all the moves,

And in our resurrection bodies we will dance before the Author of the unconditional love you always showed me,

And no tears will ever again fall as we embrace with our immortal arms of love.

This is a reason to have a cell phone

2008-04-09T23:18:00.002+02:00

I never realized how a cell phone could become one of the most important tools of your life.

On March 31, 2008, my mother lay in a hospital room dying, and I was in Germany calling the nurses' station. A dear friend of mine was at my mother's side - along with many other friends and family. She was no longer responding, but the nurses knew she could still hear. So I called my friend on her cell phone, and she put the cell phone up to my mother's ear. And I spoke to my mother - one last time.

Her heart beat faster and she breathed deeper, she even smiled a little, the nurses said. And I had the last five minutes of her life this side of eternity to tell her I loved her and would never forget her, and that nothing could ever separate us as we look forward to a reunion someday with all other family members who have gone on before us.

She died while I was speaking to her on that cell phone - I was the last voice she heard in her life her this side of eternity.And I look forward to hearing her say to me someday "hi Mark, this is your mother...." but then we will need no cell phone. And our conversation then will never end.....

I have not posted a blog for a long time. My mother's deteriorating health made it impossible for me to write anything on this blog - I simply did not have the spirit to compose. I visited her for three weeks in February, so we had much time together then. But at the last week of March her condition suddenly began deteriorating, and within three days she died.

I now have no parents this side of eternity. As I continue through this chasm of grief, I value your support and sincere words of comfort. I do not know where this journey will lead, but I know that the hope of the restoration of all creation in the resurrection of the dead is the most important anchor of my life anyway, and now even more so.

A Happy, Healthy and Prosperous New Year to All of You!

2008-01-01T11:30:00.000+01:00

Oliver expertly mixing our aperitif to enjoy with homemade breadsticks.

Catherina is about to taste the fruit of her labour: the main course.

The table is set for Chritmas Eve!

A nutcracker stands guard at a Christmas market in a village in the Erzgebirge - the Ore Mountains.

This is where I sit when I post my blogs and email - all cozy amongst my books.

Well, I did it! I didn’t write a single blog entry for all of December. Please forgive me. December is always full of Christmas parties in Germany – I had three of them begging my attendance. So you go bowling, and you sit and eat and wonder how you will get rid of the extra kilos… haha. Then my mother fell ill again. She had another trip to the ER in the middle of the night, this time the ambulance was the taxi. After about 4 days in hospital the doctor removed about a half gallon – or so almost 2 litres – of fluid out of her right lung. I was considering a last minute vacation to Spain or Greece over Christmas, but after this development, I decided I needed to stay put in Leipzig and be ready in case more bad news concerning my mother came. Fortunately no bad news came, and she continues to improve, but I also had a rather uneventful Christmas and New Year’s here.

I spent Christmas Eve with Oliver and Catharina – a German-French pair here. We had a French Christmas Eve, as the photos show. It was a wonderful time together – we ate from 8 pm. until 1:30 am.! Oliver and Catherina are wonderful hosts.

In Germany Christmas has developed its own agenda separate from any Christian/Bible foundation. Here it is simply a big family reunion with a Christmas tree and gifts. Well, Mary probably did not give birth to Jesus in the night of the 24th to the 25th of December anyway, but the beautiful idea of God’s inviting and self-sacrificing love gets lost here as people are so inward-focused on a ridiculously big meal and family time together that they don’t look to see if some might have nothing to do on Christmas. As I gain more life experience, I tend to want to downsize Christmas and give it a simple elegance, thinking of the puritan hymn “It’s a gift to be simple, it’s a gift to be free…”

On this past Saturday I spent the whole day in Berlin touring and shopping with two friends. We left early by car and returned to Leipzig at 12:30 am. early Sunday. I had a baguette at La Fayette, a famous French department store in the Friedrichstrasse, and had a piece of Gateau Madame at LeNotre in the Kaufhaus des Westen, a huge 8-story department store with a gourmet food section on the top floor. We had lunch in a simple restaurant with over 100 different beers on the menu, took in Potsdamer Platz, saw the Sony Center again, and spent a long time walking down the Kudamm, short for the Kurfürstendamm, a luxury boulevard with shops completely out of my purchasing league.

And New Year’s Eve was in Leipzig, starting in a Brasserie at 7 pm., then going to an Irish pub, and from there to Maga Pon, an East German style bar. Then it was back into the city Augustusplatz for the fireworks at midnight. By 2 am. I was back home and, really, glad that 2008 had finally already started. 2007 was a mixed year for me. I did my best, and while my health couldn’t be better, and the finances are fine, yet I still feel uncertain about whether 2007 was a good year or not. Nevertheless, I am thankful for another year of life and look forward to 2008.

What is your final analysis of 2007? I hope it was a good year for you.

Weihnachtsmarkt / Christmas Market in Leipzig

2007-11-30T19:27:00.000+01:00

An official entrance to the Christmas market at the old market square.

A light pyramid - an East German Christmas tradition - next to the Nikolai Church.

The clock tower of the old (15th century) city hall in Christmas mood.

Compared to the weekend, this is no crowd....

Merry Christmas to all! It has already started! On Monday the Christmas Market in Leipzig - and in most other German cities - opened. This is one of my favorite aspects of living here. Stands all over the city centre offer hot spiced wine, crepes, waffels with various yummy sauces, doughnuts, sugar-coated roasted almonds, roasted chestnuts, German sausages, coffee, tea, egg gnog, flame-roasted salmon, mushroom pans, garlic bread, and other treats. And you can buy all sorts of candles, trinkets, jewelry, toys, stuffed animals, candies, breads, jellied fruits, socks, house shoes, scarves, etc. I met two friends Thursday evening, and we walked through the maze for two hours and still didn't see it all. Temps were close to freezing, so I was bundled up from head to foot, and after a hot spiced wine, I was warm all over.

Since Leipzig is supposed to have one of the best Christmas markets in Germany, the weekend is the worst time to go see it; tourist come in droves, and it is wall-to-wall people all over the city centre. You have no hope of getting anywhere fast - just move with the literally shoulder shoulder mass. I will never do that again!

My time is the weekday, since I am in the city center every day anyway. But it is too expensive! 2.50 for a hot spiced wine, 4 Euros for a mushroom pan, 8 Euros for a piece of a hot flame cooked salmon! Last evening I had the one wine, a mushroom pan, and cheese crepes, and it all cost me 10 Euros together - all just snacks.

Such a pity that we don't have such markets in the states. Here it is really cold, sometimes it snows, and medieval city centres give you the backdrop for a winder wonderland and a dreamy Christmas market.

Other famous Christmas markets in Germany: the Striezelmarkt in Dresden, the Nürnberg Christkindlmarkt, and numerous smaller ones whose city centres give them a matchless charm.

I hope you have your ways of enjoying this season of the year. But what is this season for? More on that later....

You cannot give up your own life, but you must first really know what it is, to keep it.

2007-11-23T17:53:00.000+01:00

Place: Berlin, in front of the old library of the Humbolt University. Person: Me looking too serious.

Medical progress blesses us and also puts us before decisions spared earlier generations. The elderly now stay elderly much longer, creating much longer time spans in which they need various quality and quantity of assistance to keep their quality of life. The next of kin bear the moral imperative to assure the elderly next of kin maintain their quality of life. Some who have the money would simply throw dollars their way and go on with their young dynamic life, knowing that the facilities and care they bankroll will keep mom or dad safe and as healthy as possible. But can we satisfy the moral imperative with money alone?

When you were a toddler, did your parents simply pay someone to feed you (i.e. a wet nurse), to change your diapers, and to occupy you, so that mom and dad could work, socialize, play, pursue hobbies and “get the most out of life”? Or were you parents usually there at home, even when “nothing” was happening at home or when they could have done “more interesting things” elsewhere?

And, who said helping the elderly next of kin keep their quality of life was boring, a burden, or uncomfortable? Does our own quality of life revolve around living on a plush satin-cushioned pillow suckling Swiss chocolate as flickering candle light and incense underscore the ambiance our carefully selected film or music provide?

Yes, the satin pillow illuminated by candle light belongs to life, just as changing diapers at 2 am. does, whether the diapers are on a toddler or an octogenarian. And we fathom the deeper truths and significance of life not only by reading great authors and reflecting on their words, but also by struggling with and helping others. We live life by doing it, not only by reading about it or watching it.

So much of our western lifestyle at the beginning of this century seems to revolve around experiencing things – being “rolled over” by sensory or emotional waves, getting goose bumps and jitters during the latest adventure vacation, or zoning out in the country. So where is the jitter and excitement of changing diapers, helping someone go shopping, or dusting and raking for someone who can’t do these things anymore?

I think we find ourselves when we are bored, when we are doing tasks “anyone” can accomplish. When we identify with the unspectacular dilemma others may – through no guilt of their own – find themselves in, we meet ourselves face to face.

And I have time for this insight now, because I cursed the cold constant rain outside, keeping me from doing anything but sitting on my couch, drinking tea from Nepal, and watching the candle flicker as I think.

How about pouring a cup or tea from anywhere, light a candle, and tell me what you think?

Wishing you a happy post-Thanksgiving weekend,

Your Euromark

Hospitals, Friends, and Winter...

2007-11-18T14:51:00.000+01:00

The most beautiful woman in the world: my mother!

Scott (and I taking the pic) on the high speed train to Dresden.

Florian with his typical smile.... so inviting...

Hi there… Do you remember me? These days I sometimes wonder if I remember me. Shortly after my last blog entry my mother became rather ill – pneumonia, a urinary tract infection, and a few other things to boot. After an early morning in the local ER she spent about 5 days in the hospital and then a little over a month in a skilled nursing center getting her strength and weight back up to par. Thursday, just a few days ago, she finally went back home to stay.
Yes, she is getting older, and I have to get wiser fast. I was seriously considering a quick unscheduled flight to Dallas to see with my own eyes what was happening, but things stabilized enough to allow me to follow the events via daily telephone calls. And, our family has some priceless friends who give me new insight into God’s love and care for us. Randy, a friend of mine from Abilene, and Wilma, a former neighbor on my mother’s street, have shown us how the Father takes care of us through his angels.
During my next visit to Dallas in February I will look things over carefully to see if I need to begin making plans to permanently relocate to be close enough to my mother to help her on a regular basis.

And so my life in central Europe takes on a new hue – am I in the middle or at the end of a chapter of my life here in Germany?

During this upheaval a friend from Texas visited me. Scott, from Austin, spent a week with me. I realized how I have lost touch with everyday life in Texas after almost 5 years. Scott helped me see a perspective for returning to Texas, if that is my fate next year.
Scott discovered Leipzig with me, eating cake and tortes every day and traveling to Dresden to visit the Green Vault – the treasure chest of August the Strong – the King of Saxony who amassed incredible collections of every kind of priceless articles. His visit was too short.
Last Wednesday Scott flew back, and I had until Saturday to prepare for Florian – from Lübeck – and his weekend visit. With both Florian and Scott I was in the Museum der bildenenden Künste – Museum of Educational Arts – a very progressive museum of modern art.

Florian’s train left a few hours ago, so now I sit here looking out the window at the soupy gray sky and longing for some sun. Winter has already arrived in Leipzig. As Gabor, a friend, and I were putting my winter tires on my car Thursday, it started sleeting very heavily. Within a few minutes everything was white. Highs are now only about 40 degrees – 4 Celsius – every day. And this drab gray sky so dull that you can’t even make out the clouds – I am already tired of it.
But Christmas is coming, so the Christmas market will provide diversion from the cold. And what do you do to forget the cold in Winter – or do you even have real winter where you live? Lucky you….. and have a good Thanksgiving week too!

In loving memory of a great father....

2007-10-04T20:02:00.000+02:00

The last picture of me and my father together, taken about two years before his death.

It was on this very day, a number of years ago, that I lost one of the most important persons in my life: my father. After 4 months in the intensive care unit is an excellent Dallas hospital, he passed away only 12 hours after the doctors, in conference with the family, had given up all hope.

Some people say time heals everything. No. You become accustomed to the grief and pain. And you remember the persons who modeled God's unconditional love to you, who never left you even when you were not thankful for their love.

So now I visit the cemetary and see my future grave two spaces removed from my father's, and, in the midst of bottomless grief and disbelief, slowly learn that true love, as Solomon (in the Old Testament) said, is stronger than death.

Please join me in thanking the creator for the time I had with my father in this life.

Sunday afternoon in the park and café

2007-09-30T18:52:00.000+02:00

Sebastian found a curious friend from the next table, and I also chipped in with petting...

This was a better view of the café with a small band in the background

This is the park - notice the little white spots - those are "Knallerbsen" or "exploding peas - you throw them on the ground and they pop!

Here's me in front of a rusty old fence with a longing look....

Here is a colourful museum at the bus stop, so something to look at while you wait for the bus.

Today was a dry and pleasant fall day, so Sebastian and I spent the afternoon at a café - das Glashaus - no translation needed - and then went for a walk. We petted some dogs at the next table, and had hot chocolate, café au lait, and Mozart torte - a nice chocolatey cake. Then we walked for over an hour. It was cloudy and cool, but that is fall here. This week's Wednesday is a holiday - day of German unity - so I will see what we do then. When is your next holiday?

Happy October to you all....

Happy Birthday Sebastian! Hoch soll er leben!

2007-09-29T17:24:00.000+02:00

Sebastian, on the right, with some of his co-workers at the bar. Notice the little red glasses - that is the Schnaps his family made.

Sebastian and his sister Jessica assess the situation behind the bar.

Hard at work.... and drawing good Urkrostitzer beer from just north of Leipzig.

Ja, hoch soll er leben, dreimal hoch! Yesterday - Friday - evening was Sebastian's birthday party. Since he has worked in one of the university sponsored bars as a bartender for several years, he threw the party there. It was a good time to visit with his family, his friends from the university, and enjoy some good German beer from the keg, along with some Schnaps made by Sebastian's family with Vodka and a local berry. Unfortunately, I had to leave early, since I had to get up early today to teach (on Saturday morning!), but Sebastian told me the last guests left at 3:15 am., so he was home a little after 4 am. And today it is gray, cold, and raining, so we are simply hanging low to wait for some sun tomorrow. I hope your weekend is going well too....

More memories of Weimar in August and looking forward to Fall...

2007-09-24T19:04:00.000+02:00

How romantic... sitting and waiting for our meal, this carriage trotted by....

We wanted to have cake and coffee here, but all seats were taken!

So we settled for this café in Weimar, where we had cake and coffee and watched a horse-drawn carriage go by...

A double rainbow seen looking to the east from my east balcony just after a storm.

Fall has arrived, so I bid farewell to summer with these moments from August. Before the end of September the leaves are already changing to so many colors; I'll send pictures before too long.

But here I have more moments in Weimar: you have cake and coffee with us and sit at the lunch table as we are surprised by a carriage prancing by.

What does Fall mean to you? In Texas it means you finally get relief from the heat. In central Europe it means you get ready for real winter and lots of darkness for 4-5 months. And here in central Germany it also means the most colorful time of the year as the landscape dazzles you with orange, red, yellow, purple, brown, green, blue, and more colors of the dying/hibernating countryside.

But for me Fall is always the season that reminds me that death belongs to life and the cyle of life, and that death can also be stoundingly beautiful as it is a part of life and also matchlessly sad and full of grief.

PC or Mac?

2007-09-15T18:45:00.000+02:00

Dear Readers,

Thanks you for your loyalty. Now I need your studied opinion. I am considering buying a new laptop, as my current device is 4.5 years old. Some of you are avid Mac fans, perhaps others prefer PCs. Which should I buy, and why? Tell me your glory and sweat and blood stories, please....lol. Don't just say: "buy a...." and period.
I'll post more new pics soon. So don't go away too long....

your Euromark in Leipzig.

Weimar and the End of August

2007-09-08T17:44:00.001+02:00

The Rathaus (City Hall) of Weimar at town square - reserved majesty almost French in character.

The Russian Orthodox Church in the town cemetary - the Slavic influence here.

A garden in the city - an oasis of peace and tranquility

Sebastian peacefully searching out his lunch selection....

And I'm havin a conversation with some bathers at the well....

Hello all, we've been to Weimar, perhaps the most literary and cultural small town of Germany, and home to the Weimaraner - the breed of dog my family owned for 8 years. Goethe, Schiller, Wieland, and several other literary notables spent time here, and, as these pictures betray, this is a wonderful tourist attraction. It was warm on the day we visitied, so we could dine outdoors and enjoy the peace and baroque splendour of central Germany.

And, on another note, if you visit Germany, please notice that you must look long and hard to find a trash can - you cannot throw anything away! Unless, of course, you simply toss your refuse on the ground - not advisable, as this will garner you harsh words from others passing by. Where you buy things is where you find a trash can for refuse. That's it! So once you have something in your hand, it is not easy to get rid of it! The lesson - don't grab something unless you mean business!

In this sense I wish you a refuse-free weekend.

your Euromark

Where have all the days gone?

2007-09-01T20:39:00.000+02:00

Welcome September! Autumn is about to fall on us, and we – in the northern hemisphere – will fall back into another time, as the sun will rise earlier after the time change. Where has time gone? I apologize for not updating this e-diary called a blog sooner. Summer seemed not to exist for me, I was so busy working. What was I doing? Translations, more classes, and now another new job teaching in a private business school every Wednesday and on some Saturday mornings. And the pay is good, so this also helps. I will teach the Saturday morning group how to make small talk in English. Not a bad way to spend Saturday morning: teaching people to talk about “nothing” and walking away with some nice money for it!

A week ago Saturday Sebastian and I went to Weimar for a day trip. We took the train on a weekend ticket deal, which meant per person we paid only 13 Euros for the round trip. Weimar, as you may know or remember, is a cultural center for Germany. The famous Anna Amalia Library is there. It burned down in 2004, sending numerous pricelss books up in smoke, but it still houses some essential original books, documents, and monographs of German literature. Weimar is also the namesake for the Weimar Republic, the German nation as it was known between the two world wars, before the national socialists under Hitler took power. And Weimar is also associated with Buchenwald, a concentration camp from WWII just a few kilometers from Weimar. And finally, the Weimaraner is a hunting dog which was carefully breeded in 19th century Weimar – a fabulous dog. I know, for my family had a Weimaraner. What else is there to say? The whole city has been restored, so you can visit the garden house in which Goethe wrote some of his Faust. Schiller also has a house in Weimar. What a strange mixture – a train station that brought many Jews and other undesireables for the Nazis to their death was our arrival point for a leisurely day of tourism. Our last stop before heading back to the train station was a splendid little café in Biedermeier style, where I had one of the best cups of coffee and almond apricot torte I have had in a long time. And the bill for this was 3 Euros 50 – less than 4 Dollars – not bad. Unfortunately, the rechargeable batteries for my digital camera need just that, so I cannot transfer my pictures of Weimar into my computer so you could see them. I hope to rectify that soon, though.
In Berlin at the New National Gallery there is a special exhibition of impressionist paintings from NY’s Metropolitan Museum of Art, so I hope to do the 1 hour train ride up there to see it before it leaves in October.

Oh, I have seen a number of films this summer. Bettina, I did see Shortbus – a good film with a comforting message that actually had nothing to do with sex, in my opinion. I saw Battle in Heaven – a Mexican film that was in my opinion a terrible film. Also Adam’s Apples, a funny Danish film about a crazy pastor in the Danish countryside, and a hilarious British film, the name of which I only know in the German: Sterben für Anfänger. And I saw the Simpsons film last week.
So, how has your summer been?

No Sunny Summer Here - Lets Hope for Better

2007-07-07T11:31:00.000+02:00

Thank you, Bettina and Aggie, for pushing me. I have been a little under the weather lately. June is grass pollen time in Germany, and I have hay fever problems with this. The past two weeks I have been suffering. Now it is better, but still not back to normal. Aggie, it is not warm anymore! We have constant rain, high winds, and highs often only 20 degrees Celsius, or 68 Fahrenheit, and mostly cloudy. Where did the sun and heat of April and May go?

Sebastian returns to the apartment on Monday from his time in Cologne – I am looking forward to that. I can live alone, but I much prefer together with someone, and since Sebastian is one of my best friends, you couldn’t ask for more!

I’ve been inviting people over a lot. What do you cook? I found a tuna fish pie recipe – all ingredients are cold, so it is good for those hot summer days – wish we had some right now. Yesterday evening I made a tamale casserole and Mexican rice for two friends. And later today Steve and Marita, my friends from Pirna, are coming for the weekend. I’ll have pics of their visit up on my blog soon.

Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about moral and ethical accountability in the high tech age, because I have been very disappointed with one particular situation. Think about it: if a person is standing in front of you and can reach out and touch you, you see immediate reactions to your communication to them – body language, facial expressions, tone of voice, and a host of other signs. And, if you spike their ire enough, they could even get physically violent with you (but hopefully not!). You can always find them, since you probably know either their phone number or postal address.

Internet forums remove this access to the other party, but the other party is still there – probably sitting at a computer and typing on the keyboard. So, the moral and ethical accountability is still present; our words – typed this time – still affect the other person. But I am finding out that it is sadly more common to think that because the other person is not literally in front of me, because the other person has no other access to me other than that internet forum, this would release me from any ethical or moral responsibility. I can say what I want, I can treat them any way I desire, and since they cannot “find me”, it becomes okay to conduct myself in the this way. Perhaps this is simply a further stage of the reasoning some use when speeding – “there is no radar trap here, so nobody can catch me, so it is okay.” The other person cannot catch me, so I can do whatever I want.
I welcome your thoughts and observations on this topic!

Finally, below are some thoughts on rising suicide and affluence in the world. I welcome your thoughts on this also.

China: Rising prosperity is giving Asian youth a buying power and lifestyle unimaginable 20 years ago. Major Chinese cities feature clubs, venues, simply the western scene with youth eating, drinking, dancing and wearing clothes you see in NYC, London, Paris, or elsewhere. And the suicide rate among youth is the highest it has ever been.

Plano: In this, one of the wealthiest suburbs of north Dallas, youth go to elite private schools, ivy league universities, and sport designer clothes and cars as their parents’ wallets often fulfill every wish they could have. And the suicide rate among youth in this suburb is one of the highest in the state of Texas.

An affluent family and unhindered access to technology should provide the seedbed for unmitigated progress; you have the money and the flexibility to do anything. This is the postmodern world: my story, my world, my life, my space. I buy anything I want without working and planning. I go on the internet and find a virtual life with no hassle or conflict. This is the ultimate convenience. No charge, no wait, no effort – what could be easier? Just swipe your credit card through the machine, type in some words or digits, click the mouse, and voilà, you have created your own world – your own space. And you soon have your own world of friends, and a network of relationships emerges in this, your space. And, if anyone does not fit into your space anymore, the solution is only a mouse click away – delete, block, and forget about it. No charge, no wait, no pain, no effort, and no way will this work in the real world!
And perhaps this is the key to the high suicide rate among those with diminishing financial worries. Life is not simply buying and adding and deleting on a computer; life is above all about fulfillment, about realizing deep goals, finding real relationships, real love. These things require work, pain, effort, vulnerability, and living with the possibility of failure.

Yes, the real world has pain, embarrassment, and failure. But those who have not lived in it enough are at some point confronted with reality, above all when a situation comes in which they cannot “solve” the problem with a swipe of the credit card or a click of the mouse. Having perhaps only the most rudimentary social skills, or no self-confidence in conflict situations, some, in desperation, turn to suicide. Others set themselves up for a life of dysfunctionality, unable to truly relate to others and living an unfulfilled life. Perhaps this is an even greater tragedy than suicide – a life of constant frustration.

Cologne, Birthdays, and Swimming

2007-06-11T18:29:00.000+02:00

Starbucks in Cologne: Sebastian doesn't understand my joy...

Sebastian waiting for his Kölsch beer; what do you think of his t-shirt's message?

Sebastian and I at lunch on Saturday by the Rhein River.

Here I am for a kodak moment at the Rhein River in Cologne... Like my new shirt? I had just bought it a few minutes before the photo.

I'm thinking about you as I wait for my Kölsch beer....

Here I am in front of one of Cologne's many romanesque churches.

In front of the Cologne Cathedral. My only worry and ambition: to be this big....

The bar where we attended the jazz concert Sunday evening - you like?

And the music rolls....

Frank - in the middle - at his birthday party - we are toasting with Champagne.

Matthias critically assesses the quality of this white wine....

Here I am finally updating my blog after too many weeks. No, Chris, I am not brooding over your comments on certain racial groups –lol. What have I been up to? Two weeks I was in Schipkau, a village in Brandenburg, for a golden wedding anniversary, and then for a Jugendweihe, as I mentioned in my last post. Then, on Pentecost weekend I visited Sebastian in Cologne. An interesting city on the Rhein River. We were on the go all day long. Friday evening I arrived, and on Monday afternoon I left. From Leipzig to Cologne the one-way train trip takes 5.5 hours, and that is with high speed trains! Cologne has a lot of interesting action – lots of cafes, bars, clubs, shops, and lots of Starbucks, which we visited often, because Leipzig has no Starbucks at all. Sunday evening we went to a jazz concert in a bar – see the pic. It was good, but after an hour we left, because we both are not big fans of jazz.
But most of all it was good to see Sebastian. He is one of the best friends of my entire life, so we had a lot of catching up to do. He will return to Leipzig at the end of this month. I am also looking forward to having someone to help me with the cooking and house cleaning! Haha.

Then, a week ago on Saturday, I was at Frank and Sylvia’s garden for Frank’s birthday party. I took my bike, because I wanted to drink a little more – a beer and 3 glasses of wine – a lot for me – lol. So at 1:30 a.m. I was back in my apartment. And now we are in the heat of summer, with highs in the low 90s every day – too much for this place, since no one has air conditioning. So I have been swimming at the lake – see my pics from last summer – to keep cool, and you see why I have not updated you earlier – I was up to my ears in water – literally! Lol. And finally, I am teaching more these days, which is good for the bank account. May was a good month, and June will probably also be a good month. But I have less time as a result. And, my activity in the internet keeps me writing emails to friends and nurturing those friendships, because I am not satisfied with a friendship staying virtual forever – I want these relationships to take on flesh and bone.

Sorry that this post meanders in the train of thought. But I hope you enjoy the pictures. I have been having a good time, and I hope you are too!

anniversaries, labyrinths, and sun

2007-05-15T18:59:00.000+02:00

Here I am cooking out with friends and doing a German beer commercial...

The church last week for the golden wedding anniversary...

And the car for the couple - 50 years of bliss...

And I have also found time to enjoy "my" lake and get some sun....

Here comes a long-overdue bog post. I have been very active lately – in a healthy and responsible sense, of course. Sebastian, my roommate, is in Cologne for an internship with the American football team there, so I have a “storm-free” (German saying) apartment, but I don’t like life alone, so I get more active. Many things have been on the burners. With an April more like July, I have decked the balconies out for Summer with flowers and plants. Then I have been to two discos (you say “clubs” in the states) – one called the TV Club – a student disco which features low prices – 1.50 Euros for a half liter beer, and 3 Euros cover charge – not bad, and the DJ was good that night. Then a few weeks later a friend invited me to go with him to the Buddha Art Gallery – an upscale disco in the city center. This was a special disco night; it was a quarterly Leipzig Gay Night – a disco evening especially – but not exclusively – for gays. The crowd was mostly gay – mostly males with some lesbians and a good sprinkling of some impressive transvestites moving through the crowd. And there were also a number of hetero couples enjoying dancing too. My friend came upon VIP tickets for free for us, so we had access to VIP areas and we got a free cocktail also. Pretty neat, huh?!

In consideration of some of my Texan readers, a short excursion is fitting here. This was a surprisingly positive experience in a jam-packed big disco – four floors with several dance floors, disco balls, strobe lights, fog machines, the works, all like a labyrinth. But more importantly, we must remember that in Europe – in Germany – the Nazi regime tried to annihilate not only Jews, but also Gypsies, the handicapped, the elderly, and otherwise “un-useful” people, and homosexuals belonged to this list. As a result, society here deals with racial and gender orientation issues from a very different historical perspective. So efforts to open up to any groups marginalized historically or otherwise are often more focused and intense here than in some other places, since the air is still thick with the burdens of the past over here. So, whatever your personal convictions might be, a society cannot allow itself to ignore, marginalize, or discriminate against groups that have been the object of wholesale genocide or annihilation attempts. Such a society has no right to claim membership in a culture that would claim to be Christian.

But back to my life. This past weekend I was at a golden wedding anniversary in Brandenburg, so I sang a solo at a church service, and we ate and ate – lunch, coffee and cake – lots of really fine cakes!! Then we had supper, and then talked and talked. Then I spent the rest of the weekend visiting friends in Pirna and then a friend in Leipzig.

Next weekend I am away again for a Jugendweihe – the East Germany equivalent of confirmation for those of no faith. So, more eating, drinking, and talking is on the way, and even some disco dancing. Then, on Pentecost weekend, I am visiting Sebastian in Cologne. I have never been to Cologne, so I ma really looking forward to this time with him. And I miss Sebastian. He is one of the best and most loyal friends of my life, so it will be nice to see him again.

After that I will be back home for a while, and we will be in June. Let the summer come…

Travels to Dresden, Pirna, and Lübeck...

2007-04-17T19:16:00.000+02:00

Tea Time in Pirna - this was the white tea

A Beautiful View - on top of the Pfaffenstein

Moritzburg Castle

Here I am in front of Moritzburg!

And Marita on top of Pfaffenstein

The Frauenkirche in Dresden - notice how small the people are next to the church.

Lübeck - Mediaevel Hanseatic Majesty!

Here I am trying to loosen up this guy ....

A side view of Florian - he could be on a coin... We are at the Indian Bar here.

Florian at Niendorf Beach.

Florian and Andreas at the Korean Restaurant - who said north Germans are cold and distant?

Thank you for your patience while I live an interesting life. I have been traveling and visiting people these past weeks. Here you see some photos. For Easter I had off from Work from Wednesday evening until Tuesday morning, so I went to Pirna just south of Dresden. We hiked up to the top of the Pfaffenstein, a mountain with a big flat top. That took all of Friday afternoon. Friday evening we simply visited at the apartment. Then on Saturday we went to the Moritzburg Castle – perhaps the most famous castle in Saxony. This is a classic moated castle built to show all who is in power. After the castle and lunch in Moritzburg we drove to the city centre of Dresden for shopping and a walk through the Frauenkirche – the church restored just about 2 years ago – a beautiful baroque church in the round – an architectural masterpiece! Then I bought three shirts in a shopping area, and of course, several stops for coffee, and even cake, were standard fair for such an outing. Sunday had us in Pirna’s old city centre and at a café, where I enjoyed a pot of white tea. Then it was back to Leipzig.

But no rest for the wicked, for on this past Friday I was in the high-speed train again, this time on my way to Lübeck on the Baltic Sea not too far from Hamburg, where I spent the weekend with Florian, my friend I met via the internet. Lübeck has been deemed a world cultural heritage city by UNESCO – it is matchless. Friday evening I had ice cream and café au lait on the main market square, then Florian met me, and we walked through the old narrow streets and courts, stopping in an Indian bar and restaurant for a Kilkenny Irish beer and a vegetarian pizza. Then it was on to a little bar named Kandinsky, after the expressionist painter, where I had a glass of Merlot. Then it was back to the apartment, where we talked into the wee hours of the night (right, Florian?). Saturday – and Friday also – brought perfect weather: cloudless pure blue sky with sun and temps in the low 70s, so we drove to the beach – to Niendorf next to Travemünde. On the way we stopped at a posh farmers’ market where I bought some of the best Assam and pineapple and coconut flavored green tea I have ever tried. Then walking along the rushing water for several hours, having cake and coffee at a seaside café, a fresh fish sandwich while we strolled, and catching up on so many topics. (You see, in person you talk about things different than when you type in the internet…) Then Saturday evening we drove to Bad Schwartau to a well-known Korean restaurant to eat. Sunday I took the train back to Leipzig. And here I am again, thankful for the blessing of finding friends like Florian on the internet! So, the moral of the story is, don’t simply remain virtual friends, but have the wisdom and courage to make some into real friends – it can be a serendipitous surprise.

What a beautiful weekend - Leipzig Book Fair and fair weather on Sunday

2007-03-25T16:42:00.000+02:00

Waiting for Godot on my West Balcony :-)

Saturday I spent five hours at the Leipzig Book Fair - an annual event of intercontinental proportions. The Leipzig fair is the first major book fair of the year in Germany, and it has a long tradition, since Leipzig used to be THE publishing center for the German-speaking world. There were over 1,500 publishers present with live programs, live radio and tv broadcasts, and huge exhibit halls with so many temptations to buy books, but I resisted successfully, for I am saving my money....

And today Spring has returned again. After running for an hour in the forest, I enjoyed afternoon tea and lemon cake basking in the sun on my west balcony. This is quite the exception for Germany. Last year at this time we were just beginning to thaw from a long snowed-in Winter. So, things are a bit ahead of schedule.

So, how has your weekend been?

Wishing you a wonderful beginning of Spring,

your true

Euromark

Belated Happy Saint Patrick's Day!

2007-03-19T18:52:00.000+01:00

Sasha and Melanie - she is in the middle of an inspiring sentence...

Claudia, Tobias, and I: honestly, we didn't plan to all dress the same...

A belated happy St. Patrick’s Day to all of you! Were you doing something green on Saturday? Well I wasn’t – ha. But I was doing something red, as these photos betray. I met up with some friends – Tobias, Claudia, Melanie and Sasha for an evening in Kowalski, a nice modern pub in the university section of Leipzig. We ate and drank and talked until midnight; good German beer for all of us, and filling vegetarian entrées for me, and when they found out that I have never been to a disco in my life – gasp – they wanted to kidnap me on the spot and solve that statistic. But, we decided to wait for another time and go to the TV Club – a trendy student disco in the north of Leipzig – in a few weeks. Leipzig has quite an assortment of discos for a variety of music tastes, social segments, etc. from hip hop, techno, metallica, the “over 30” crowd, the “under 30” crowd (I won’t tell you whether I am under or over – you guess! lol) and gay and lesbian, as well as others. So, where were you dancing on St. Paddy’s Day? When were you last in a disco (you say “club” in the states…)? Well, I fear it’s been too long, so get your ___ in gear and go…. and happy landing…

Your true Euromark

The eternally fresh music of ABBA

2007-03-15T21:42:00.000+01:00

During my last weekend in Pirna with friends we were watching a show on TV. During a scene in a disco the music changed, and my friends both immediately recognized “Dancing Queen” by ABBA. This impressed me, since the mother grew up in socialist East Germany, and the son is almost 19 years old. Even in the days of the Soviet East Block, ABBA’s music inspired the youth to dance and celebrate, and today their songs still help discos bring in the crowds of young Germans wanting to dance, jive, and have the time of their life, to quote the song. Not surprising, since this Swedish group had members well schooled in composition and two ladies with beautiful voices. When was the last time you heard an ABBA song? Was it Waterloo, Gimme Gimme, The Winner Takes it All, or It’s the Name of the Game, or something else? In all of these songs you hear predictions of the likes of Madonna, Enya, and hosts of other current chart riders. What is your favourite ABBA song? What do you think makes ABBA so timeless? Happy listening and dancing….

New Life in Spring

2007-03-12T23:29:00.000+01:00

Sunday at Pillnitz Castle in Dresden - the Lion was so afraid of me that it turned to stone...
At this time all is bursting out in greens, reds, blues, yellows, whites. The birds gave me a beautiful concert during my 7 a.m. run last Friday morning; life is returning early to central Europe, and I am reminded of returning life when we think only death is there.

In the Summer of 2005 I began teaching English at the airport here. Among the many baggage handlers in my class was Christian, a soft-spoken kind husband with two small children at home and blond hair and blue eyes with boundless trust. After a few weeks I noticed Christian was not in class anymore. I asked some of his colleagues. It seemed he had been in a horrible motorcycle accident – his bike slid in the rain under a big truck, and he had countless broken bones and skull injuries. He was in a coma with uncertain prospects. Over the course of about a month I asked about his condition, and nothing was changing. I decided to stop asking – it was very painful to me. Then several months passed by. In the summer of 2006 I heard the manager mention the recent funeral of a colleague in the nearby village – a colleague who had been very sick for almost a year. For me it was clear, for Christian came from this village. I was tragically sad, and thought how I wish I could have seen him, but wishes….. I grieved for him and buried him in my mind privately.

In November I was preparing for class when I noticed out of the corner of my eye a face that caught my immediate attention. I looked round the corner and froze with a gasp – there stood the “resurrected” Christian in front of me and smiled his soft-spoken smile with those same blue eyes. I was speechless. Then I said, “Christian, you are here! I didn’t know what had happened!” I started crying some and asked him how long he had been back at work. He was just starting again. I told him I was so happy to see him and so happy that he was alive and could work again – he did not know I had thought he was dead. I saw him again last week at the airport, and again I felt I was looking into the eyes of the promise of the resurrection – time froze again as I talked to him told him again I was so happy to see him.

How deceiving are our thoughts – our minds! We delude ourselves to think we know all we need, we think we see the full picture, yet we can still be severely misled. After ages of living in deception, the simple truth stands in front of us, and we freeze as the reality we have constructed shatters before the astounding beauty of living truth. Now I am not talking about people we thought dead, but aspects of our own selves and lives we deny so long that we cannot even acknowledge they exist. And then events coalesce before us and in us, and we see the beauty of truth that makes us get to know ourselves dejà vu. And life begins anew with the promise of the resurrection – you shall know that which is real and true, and it shall set you free – the words of Jesus, another person whose reality was too much for his life context.

Where there is smoke, there is fire...

2007-02-24T22:34:00.000+01:00

Germany is finally about to join most of the rest of the western world in passing bans on smoking in public places. From an American perspective you might wonder why it has taken them so long to get there. Viewed from within the country, this long development gives you the opportunity to observe something typical of life in Germany: the laborious struggle to decide to change something.

This struggle not only permeates the public sphere; it is an essential part of private life and private relationships as well. Perhaps are trying to change something at work, with friends, or with a government office. When you first announce your desires, chances are the answer you will immediately get will be some variation of, “no that is impossible.” Or perhaps you will hear, “that will be very difficult and uncertain, so I can’t promise you anything, though I will try.” This is the beginning of a sort of opera, for here the battling begins; discussions, arguments, debates, very heated exchanges, and even accusations can all come on stage as the parties involved hash it out and at several times during the whole process declare that nothing will ever come of this. Then, suddenly, out of the blue something happens, and all parties suddenly come to an agreement and in no time consensus and harmony is everywhere, where only a few days ago all looked hopeless.

This song was sung at the beginning of attempts to introduce a smoking ban in Germany. Officials and restaurant owners announced that this is simply impossible. Period. And the debate started. For months, even for over a year, the government has been tossing and turning, discussing, debating, arguing on and on to no end, with several media announcements in the meantime suggesting that the government is powerless before the tobacco lobby. Then, about a week ago, results of a study were published stating that the air in bars, clubs, and discos is often so thick with smoke that it exceeds allowed pollution standards for cities in Europe – in other words, if those levels of micro-particles were present in Leipzig city air, Leipzig would suffer stiff federal fines and have to change things immediately. And so on Friday Berlin suddenly agreed to sweeping changes that will ban all smoking in all public places – any exceptions will require special individual approval. After over a year of debating, mud-slinging, and arguing, harmony and consensus has emerged seemingly out of nowhere.

I really enjoy this, because it is fascinating to try to wager when the consensus will appear. You see, this process also happens in your private life here, too. You may have a disagreement with someone, and while the relationship goes on, the topic comes up again and again and is debated and seems stuck in the mud. Then, suddenly, a breakthrough happens and a solution is found.
I often think this is a manifestation of a good German quality – taking things seriously. So issues, relationships, everything is thought through more (than in the USA at least) and discussed more, and it is important, if you live here, that you show by your actions that you also take the matter seriously.
But looking at it from a different perspective, in America you have probably heard that whoever takes himself too seriously makes himself the object of many jokes. Or, seen for a perspective this side of the Rhine, when the smoke is puffing in matters, you know the people are on fire for something – where there is smoke, there is fire.

Would you like some Danish with your coffee?

2007-02-11T18:28:00.000+01:00

Election campaigns are beginning to heat up in the USA, so soon the obligatory pie fights will start – those attempts to find something in the opponent’s past (or, better yet, present) allegedly making him/her morally and ethically unfit for office. In view of this approaching media event, I thought I would cast my glance northward from me to a small country far away from international limelight – Denmark.
Skandinavia has long been known for it’s tolerance – perhaps a function of Kierkegaard’s „Fear and Trembling?“ The Danes responded carefully to the caricature fiasco last year, insisting that they cannot compromise freedom of expression. Denmark was also the first country in the world to allow pornography to be openly sold, so we see they mean business about freedom of expression.
Denmark is an interesting land with a small population and a strong protestant fundamentalist tradition on the west coast. Yet in the metropolitan areas elected politicians are open about their past or lifestyle. A representative in the Danish parliament openly cites her homosexuality positively and has always openly admitted her earlier profession – an actress in pornography. And, she represents a right-wing party and has not suffered politically or in any other way from these facts.
Denmark may be riding the crest of the wave, but other nations are not far away. In Germany at least two mayors – Hamburg and Berlin – are openly gay and suffer no negative consequences, and the leader of one of the major political parties in Germany has been openly gay for a number of years with no negative repercussions at all.
These examples help me realize that nations today cannot be a religious-based enterprise. Europe has tried to do that and failed completely. And, I certainly don’t think the Bible wants us to erect a physical political Kingdom of God here on earth – His Kingdom is not of this earth…
So what is the real question? Is a person who is homosexual or a previous actor in pornography not fit per se for a political office? Yet the Washington politician who has his sweet young thing in a nice Washington suburb is perfectly fit for office? To what extent is a person’s present or previous profession or lifestyle a litmus test for suitability for office? The homosexual mayors and party leaders in Germany are highly respected competent politicians guiding some of the more cosmopolitan cities of the world. If only religious organizations have a say in answering this question of suitability for office, then we haven’ moved that far away from the fusion of church and state, which only caused problems in medieval Europe.

Taxing Moral Imperatives in a Glass of Wine

2007-02-09T22:00:00.000+01:00

Thank you, Aggie, for your latest comment, for you have called my attention to the moral imperative: keeping communication open. But let me add that I have been very busy (yes, haven’t we all?) lately. I have taken on two new classes, removing about 4 hours per week of free time from my schedule, and giving me more money in return. I have also been translating more for psychiatry – especially difficult was an article on rheumatoid arthritis – 18 pages of intricate text on complicated statistical formulas to ascertain the cost benefits ratios for early detection and treatment of this ailment. And I have been meeting friends a little more often, seeing them for the first time after my weeks in Texas.

And finally, I have also been bringing things up to par with my tax accountant. German tax law is probably the most complicated in the world. But I have figured out the system here –I think. You surf on the crest of tax laws, riding the waves and hopping off them onto other waves so that you get the most for your goals out of each wave (law). Is this moral – speaking of moral imperatives? I don’t think anyone here cares. And the tax laws are so complex that any singular strand of ethics or morals gets tangled into oblivion by the contortions of all the exceptions and stipulations for the law. For instance, did you know that in Germany if you have an office in your residence, using it as a tax write off, of course, you are not allowed to have a bed or any objects in that office that do not directly pertain to the running of your business? That includes books, CDs, a television, etc. But decoration and ambiance to make clients feel comfortable is allowed. So, you may have a coffee maker and a small refrigerator to offer clients refreshments, but a hot plate or small stereo system – no. You can even write off fresh cut flowers for a vase! Europeans love ambiance! But wait. If the ministry – like the IRS in the USA – comes to inspect your office, they are required by law to make an appointment. So, if it should be the case that your office perhaps might not conform in any way to the law, you have time to prepare the stage for the visit. Interesting system they have here. Whereas in the USA we often have standard deductions, in Germany the system tries to take a lot of money away from you, and it is your job (often through your tax accountant) to use the laws to get as much of the money back as possible buy reducing your taxable income hopefully down to zero. For 2005 I had to pay in a whopping 25 Euros – amazing, but there is a huge bound notebook full of journals, calculations, and spread sheets documenting all the bookkeeping proving this.

Finally, I’m so drained from all the new classes and translation that I haven’t been getting out on the town much. Tomorrow – Saturday – I hope that will change. I plan to go to the cinema in the evening. Don’t yet know which film will find my favour. Any suggestions?
Finally, you’ve certainly noticed I have no pictures. There is a reason. When I was in Prague at the end of October, my digital camera was stolen – I think I know where, but I can’t prove it. So, in Texas I bought a new one, but I am having difficulty with some of the software, and I just haven’t taken the time to iron the matter out. I ask for no sympathy, just that you humour me with my affected little “me the victim” soliloquy. So, I’ll continue drinking my glass of Dornfelder German red wine and greet the approaching weekend…

Birthdays in Germany

2007-01-23T21:32:00.000+01:00

The comments of my previous blog reveal that I have had a birthday. I do not hang my birthday on the big bell (a German saying) but rather celebrate it in a more intimate setting. Why? Thus this blog.
In Germany a birthday is a really big thing. If you are at a government office on your birthday and they see from your form that today is your day, they will stop, come over to you, shake your hand, and say “best greetings and a healthy and happy year on your birthday.” They do this with an urgency that almost scares me. Well, if that were all, it would be fine. But the rest of the story comes. In Germany you should organize and throw your own birthday party – for an American that seems conceited. I would never put on my own bday party in the USA. You pay for and organize everything for a big party with food and drink (also alcohol), and everyone brings you gifts. And, your telephone rings and rings with people wishing you all the best on your birthday. It all seems very selfish and looks like I want to put myself on center stage and be worshipped. To add to that, I am often sick on my birthday, so I don’t need the stress of organizing a big party if I am under the weather.
I think it would be better to just pool several people together who have birthdays around the same time and have a community birthday party. So, what is the custom in your neck of the world? What do you usually do on your special day?

A Tagging in January...

2007-01-14T22:21:00.000+01:00

So, Chris has tagged me, if you read the comment in the post just before this post. I haven't been tagged for anything for more years than I am willing to admit, so here goes: Three Things I got For Christmas: 1. a pair of Levis jeans 2. a big blue candle 3. a bottle of wine And now Three Things I did not get for Christmas: 1. snow 2. Blue Bell Ice Cream 3. someone who will take care of me when I am old and feeble. So, this means I can sit in my kitchen in Germany in my Levis with no shirt on, drink a glass of my wine by blue candle light, dream about seeing snow and eating Blue Bell Ice Cream, and wonder what will happen to me some day long long away when my hair has all fallen out and I have more metal and plastic in my body than flesh. Now I am supposed to tag some people. Problem is, Chris has already tagged all who read and respond to my blog, so I don't have anyone left to tag, though I strongly suspect that there are people "in the shadows" who read my blog but choose not to comment. So, if you want to be tagged by me, just "holler" as we say in Texas...

Bull-riding in Texas and Ennui in Europe

2007-01-13T23:24:00.000+01:00

Christmas in Texas is irreversibly over. What do you learn when you visit the place you spent the first 25 years of your life, the very house where your family has been living since you were three years old, after you have been living in another culture for four years? How do you pack two suitcases to travel to the place you grew up for a short visit and then pack your life back up into two suitcases to leave that home for your other home?
My answer: in the postmodern spirit, you build your own culture. The Dallas Fort Worth area will always be the place my personality was “hard-wired” to register, process, and react to people, places, and things, to create my own image of myself. And the strong German elements in my family belong to this growing up process, making me adjustable to life in Germanic Europe. And so, the two suitcases are couriers helping me transport artifacts of my life from one part of my home on one side of the world to the other part on the other side.
So which ancillary events precipitated these insights? First of all, when I first walked into my room at my parents’ home, I took my passport out of my jacket and put it in a drawer and closed the drawer – a very symbolic gesture. In Germany, where one must always be able to identify oneself, my passport is my only accepted legal proof of who I am. In the USA I don’t need it – a driver’s license suffices. I also took off my heavy jacket and put it into the closet – won’t need this heavy stuff for the mild Texas Winter.
In a CD music store I happened to run into an old friend from high school band, whom I hadn’t seen for 10 years. She has since been able to establish herself in full-time employment in directing children’s theatre. While this makes me happy for her, it also made me happy for the whole community, because this indicates the Dallas Fort Worth area is growing culturally, slowly taking away one complaint I used to have: that this area was a cultural desert. Now Starbuck’s and others give us real cafés in which we can repose and reflect, sipping on coffee and staring into space in that spirit of ennui (sophisticated boredom) you only know if you’ve spent time in Europe. There are even a few commuter trains between Fort Worth and Dallas, so you can actually take public transportation for a few events.
But there are still essential elements that will always be different between the two worlds. When you enter a café in Texas, some will notice you and smile as an automatic reaction, and the persons working there will almost immediately greet you with a big smile, making you think they came to work that day just to serve you as their most important customer. And when you make a menu choice, you will coincidentally choose the server’s favorite item, as they will tell you with matchless enthusiasm. And, if the coffee has to be brewed anew and you have to wait, you just may get your drink order free, as it was cheerfully announced to me in Fort Worth. So, if you were down when you came in, you will be up before the first drop of coffee greets your lips.
When you enter a café in Germany, if anyone notices you at all, they will simply stare at you for one second with no visible reaction and then return to their activity. The wait staff may give you a polite greeting, or they may not, and you will find a seat and peruse the menu. By then at the latest you will notice the smell of smoke in the air – something long banned in Texas establishments. Then the wait staff approaches you and asks what you would like. They dutifully record your choices without commentary and leave to do their work. Now you can unpack whatever you brought along to establish your raison d’etre in this café. Perhaps all you brought is your bored face you use to soak in the ambiance of this room – that is okay. And, if you are lucky, the wait staff may smile at you, which means that there is something about you they definitely like, and if you return to this café, this person will probably smile at you again. This is not necessarily the beginning of a steamy romance (though one can never rule such occurrences out…), but rather simply the elegant and subtle European way of getting to know people. In Texas we take the bull by the horns and smile from ear to ear at everyone, so if you really want to get to know someone better, a smile gets you nowhere. You have to be more aggressive and somehow hope the other person gets your drift. In Texas you can dig in and take others for a bull ride to get to know them. In Europe you, as they say in Germany, “wait and drink tea.” You take studied distance and respect the autonomy of the other to an (from my perspective) extreme extent. Every expression, word, gesture, look, and smell is part of the construction of a new relationship that may only be a passing acquaintance or perhaps grow to a deep life-long friendship or romance. But, this you cannot know, and that is the mystery of getting to know people in Europe – a fascinating and challenging use of subtlety and patience.
Life in Texas is wonderful in its own way – the open, aggressive straight-shooting friendliness and willingness to help others expecting nothing in return. And life in Europe, with its mystery and enigma, makes friendship something you can’t take for granted here. You didn’t get to know your friends overnight, so you and they will fight for you and them no matter what may come.

Shifting Christmas Gears in Texas / Durch die Gänge in Texas

2006-12-28T02:05:00.000+01:00

Eleven days later I have successfully progressed past the most severe reverse culture shock in Texas. Christmas is over – without stress and angst. Now early capitalism gets in gear as I begin to shop shop shop. The latest booty: a pair of Levis slim fit and a book on literary criticism (which I really like, because it includes chapters on colonial criticism, gay and lesbian criticism, and other often neglected ways of reading texts. I am looking forward to this interesting read on the plane back to Leipzig.)
Of course, I have already indulged in several prerequisites to re-acculturation: one meal in a Mexican restaurant, several visits to Starbucks, one evening at La Madeleine French country restaurant, and today a meal at the California Pizza Kitchen. And, Half Price Book Store has already seen my face.
So, do you notice a trend here? What typifies my time here?
So, to the people: Of course, I see my family daily, since I am staying at my mother’s place. And the depths of the past have divulged friends not seen for ages. Saturday I was in a music store when out of the corner a female voice called my first and last name – it was LuAnne, an old friend from high school band, who I hadn’t seen for ten years! Then yesterday the pastor of my mother’s church dropped by; I have known him since I was 17. And today I had lunch with a friend I have known since I was 14. These meetings underscore the degree of change my life has experienced. As positive as such meetings – chance and planned – are, they have only highlighted how several years of life in another country change you. And yet I realize that most of my time here will not be spent with all the people I used to know in those woebegone days of yesteryear. So many people have moved on without enough desire for keeping in touch to precipitate successful attempts to contact me.
So, is there only family and Starbucks, Half Price Books, Pizza and Mexican restaurants and shopping, and playing the piano and running three times a week? Yes, this is “Jammern auf hohem Niveau” in Germany, or “high level complaing in English, but even this very act belies the European existentialism that has infiltrated my personality, for the American would say, “so what? Just have fun and don’t sweat the small stuff! If you don’t see those people now, who knows what the future will bring?” Okay, lets Americanize – for now – and just enjoy the moment. We are having fine weather, after all, and all are in good health. And I am thankful for these things…
I hope you – wherever you are – are also having a good and safe holiday season.

Your
Euromark, who is at the moment, well, “Texomark.” P.S. Es tut mir leid, aber ich bin im Augenblick überhaupt nicht gelaunt, Deutsch zu schreiben. Also müßt ihr euch mit English abquälen. Wenn das ein Problem bereitet, dann ruft mich einfach an :-) !

I'll be home for Christmas / Weihnachten Daheim...

2006-12-16T23:11:00.000+01:00

I’ll be home for Christmas…

…as the melancholy song goes. Tuesday will be a long day – getting up at 3:30 am. and taking the first tram at 4:15 am. to the airport. The flight leaves at six for Frankfurt, and then from Frankfurt 11 hours to Dallas Fort Worth airport. Then 21 days of the Metroplex and ultimate individualistic free market enterprise. It will be good and important to be with family during these three weeks when most of my courses are on pilot light phase anyway. I will also have some time to see a few friends in the Dallas – Fort Worth area and maybe even in Central Texas. Since I have no car of my own, and I have much to do for my mother, I may only have one very quick trip to central Texas.
I am now one month short of living in Leipzig for four years. These have been four of the best years of my life, and it keeps getting better. While I look forward to seeing my “home” and family again, to sleeping in the bedroom that has been mine since I was 3 years old, my life in Texas seems more and more a part of the past as Germany becomes more and more my home. I will notice new slang expressions in American English that are strange to me, new devices and products, new stores, and new people in the lives of friends, just as there are many new words and people in my life: I don’t speak normal American English anymore, and all of my friends here are Germans. Did you know that no American (besides me) has ever been in my current apartment? That’s okay; it simply underscores the dichotomy in my life. So I am packing my baggage to take a short trip to the place I grew up in; the milieu that “hard wired” my personality, even though my Texas accent is gone without a trace. After tarrying long enough to make my luggage smell American, I’ll whiz back to Germany and open my suitcase and smell the aroma of Texas and of my mother’s house and wonder where it all went…

So, let this be a lesson to all of us: as with so many things in life, the good and the bad are often intertwined; we decide which threads will dominate, which melodies will climb above the others and establish the dominant themes.

Na so was: man soll sich ja darauf freuen, die Heimat wieder zu sehen. Ja, Freude ist da, aber ich bin vielfach einfach unentschlossen, denn ich bin beinahe 4 Jahre in Leipzig, und das sind die schönsten Jahre meines Lebens bisher, und es wird momentan, mindestens, nur besser (bin ja Ami und muss ja optimistisch sein…). Wer diese Sätze lesen kann, versteht wohl das Gefälle: die alten Freunde in den USA melden sich schon längst nicht mehr, und ich muß immer emsig nach jemandem suchen, der mich vom Flughafen in Dallas abholt: willkommen zuhause! Bei meiner Mutter habe ich viele nützliche Aufgaben: Hecken schneiden, Blätter rechen, Rasen mähen, Fenster und Gitter putzen, Autos putzen, im Hause putzen, Garage a bissl entrümpeln, und dann auch schön in Dallas shoppen, Postkarten an die Freunde in Leipzig, Pirna, und Lübeck schicken, Geschenke für meine Lieben in Deutschland finden – das macht alles Spaß, aber viel von diesen 21 Tagen besteht nur daraus, dass ich Sachen für andere mache. Das ist schon in Ordnung, aber wer die deutschen Urlaubssitten kennt, weiß, dass hier keiner den Urlaub plant, in dem er hauptsächlich nur Dinge für andere macht. Und so steht die Welt für mich jetzt Kopf: alle hier wollen scheinbar irgendwie in die USA, womöglich endgültig, aber ich fühle mich sehr wohl hier in Mitteleuropa. Mal schauen, wie ich bis Mitte Januar schreibe. Bis dann würde ich mich auf Beiträge von euch freuen, in denen ihr so eure Erfahrungen oder einfach Sicht der Dinge mal mitteilt. Danke fürs Lesen und Schreiben!

Six Weird Things About Me (Really?)

2006-12-11T18:47:00.000+01:00

Well, Aggie in New Zealand has tagged all who read her blog, so I'll respond. Do you think I'm weird? First of all, I must mention a caveat: “weird” is in the eye of the beholder; what is weird to you may be – yawn – boring to me, or plane Jane normal. Sorry, if your name in Jane.

Number One: I love to eat a big long slow candle-light breakfast in my sleeping clothes with lots of hot tea, even with a glass of Champagne to go with it. I feel like I’m in Heaven. It can last an hour or two, as long as the company and conversation is good, no problem… (The NZ people among us would probably prefer the Champagne breakfast by candle-light au natural, but I’ll not betray whether that would interest me or not….)
Number Two: It is wonderful to go running through the forest in the winter when the snow is deep; I imagine I’m an elf in a Lord of the Rings movie running to Lothlorien.
Number Three: I cannot sleep late in my own apartment, because I know there are too many things I have to do (cleaning, taking care of plants, translations, practicing the piano, friends, etc.). But, I can sleep very late when I am visiting somewhere else and don’t have to get up early, though I will gladly get up early for breakfast as I describe in #1 above.
Number Four: I love to play the piano or sing in the dark – who needs the distraction of things you see? I can concentrate on the music better.
Number Five: I hate house cleaning, but I hate a dirty apartment even more, so I clean very fast, and I absolutely detest dirty door handles and light switches, so they all get a wipe down once a week from me with a cleanser.
Number Six: I have to listen to music on my big stereo while I take a shower – it makes showering much more aesthetic.

Florian in Lübeck

2006-12-07T23:14:00.000+01:00

When the beer glass is empty, you can only smile... :-)
This is my friend Florian in Lübeck, a city on the Baltic Sea coast. We originally met via blogs on the internet, which is sometimes not the best way to run across dependable people, but after a few emails we both quickly saw that we had met someone who was not flakey. He is finishing his schooling and already has a job lined up – a smart guy – for the beginning of February in Lübeck. He speaks excellent English after having spent a year of high school in the Midwest, and he is active in a theatre club in Lübeck as well as in a charity organization for AIDS help. He is also a talented artist – drawing – and a gifted rollerskater. So what else is special about this guy? So much, but one thing sticks out above all else for me: whether in an email or in a conversation, he has the ability to make you relax and feel like time has stopped. This is very helpful, because Germans are always on a schedule, making shortness of time a chronic situation here. Thank you, Florian, for your gentle spirit, making time stand still.

Friendship in Germany

2006-12-07T23:08:00.000+01:00

Friends in the kitchen preparing a meal...
Many from the USA notice the more serious or even bored expressions on people’s faces in Europe. Yes, Americans smile and laugh all the time, and most people over here admire this easy-goingness in the USA. But these traits do not exist by themselves; they are manifestations of substantial ways of interfacing with people in groups and as individuals.
In the USA I think Will Rogers said it best, “I never met a man I didn’t like.” And in Germany you have the phrase “Trust is good, but control is better.” Since I am probably writing for a predominantly American audience (Verzeih mir bitte, die Ihr dies lesen könnt!) I will focus on the German aspects here. The American tends to be open and curious; isn’t it cool to meet new people and find out new things! Well, yes it is, of course. But many here often think, “Who knows what kind of a person this really is; I don’t want to start something I will regret later!” And, in Germany we pay much more attention to detail, especially in dealing with people. Your conversation partner will notice everything you say and everything you don’t say, and your body language, voice inflection, posture, clothing style, it is all registered and stored to help construct their dossier of you. Then, when you have down time alone, you sift through the dossier and come to decisions, whether you want to get to know the person better or leave it at more of a distance. Then, if you decide to move closer, and if you are on a last name basis (using the formal form of address), you offer your first name and the informal form of address to the person. If you were already using first names, then you usually tell some detail about yourself or use a more special greeting with the person. This is an important barrier you cross, because this is now a relationship of trust and mutual support – you are both friends – a word used carefully here. This can sometimes require months, and sometimes some difficult situations in which you don’t know if you should venture more openness or stay reserved.
In a friendship much more openness on both sides is assumed, and this includes the readiness to criticize each other’s actions. But one thing is critical: a friend will stand by a friend to the end, regardless of what may come. This means that in test situations some will cheat helping their friends to pass a test. In socialist East Germany your friends warned you about spies and helped you find food and goods you could not get otherwise. And so, the outside world is brutal, cold, and you don’t know the people or what they want, so you don’t give them anything to use against you, which also means you don’t smile in many situations. Here control is better; you control yourself and keep distance from others. When you meet a friend, trust takes over: the greeting makes it obvious that these are friends: the personal space is closer, they may even touch each other longer, and always start by asking and telling in detail how they are doing.
It was difficult for me in the beginning; you traverse a great distance going from stranger to acquaintance to friend here. While I still value the openness of American society, I cannot imagine my life without the friends I have and am making in Germany, for they are what make life here so special and rewarding for me.

The Greatest Christmas Gift

2006-12-05T18:27:00.000+01:00

Said Irenaeus, over 1600 years ago: "In his incomprehensible love for us he became as we are, so that we might be as he is."
This is ultimate love and friendship: identifying completely with the other person and sharing in each other, by which both persons become more themselves rather than being taken up into the other person. In other words, gaining your true self by losing it in the other person. There is no greater gift than this.

Belated Thanksgiving in the Peace of the Forest...

2006-12-05T18:25:00.000+01:00

What a wonderful weekend I’ve had! Let me tell you about it…
Friday evening my friends from Pirna arrived, and we walked to a restaurant on my street, tried it for the first time. Its name is Waldfrieden, or “peace of the forest.” Yeah, I know what you’re thinking, and you’re right. It’s one of those restaurants. Walk in and you peer through the smoke to see really eclectic décor: old branches on the wall, every window styled differently, the bar “wallpapered” with old beer caps. And the place was full with people straight out of the old GDR socialist East Germany. A young guy from Poland sat on a makeshift stage and strummed guitar and sang the likes of “I don’t get no satisfaction”. He played and sang quite well, but I don’t think he had seen a bar of soap in a while. The help behind the bar was dressed in gothic with wavy long black hair halfway down the back. A little black puppy dashed among the tables and a cat meandered through the chairs. A rather old and extremely overweight drunk man kept asking in a loud voice if the guy would sing old folk songs from East Prussia and Danzig. So the waitress came, and I asked for the menu. “I am the menu” she said. She wanted to know what I wanted to eat, and they simply fixed it. So I had a dark Budweiser (the real thing from Czech. Republic) and food, and my friends had mineral water and a cola, and the whole bill was 9 Euros, a really good deal.
Saturday evening we were 10 people sitting at my table to have a belated Thanksgiving meal. What was the menu? Turkey baked in champagne (I did eat meat for this one meal), dressing, corn-sweet-potato pudding, lettuce salad with raisins, soy beans and balsamic vinegar, and home-made pumpkin pie. And a pino grigio from north Italy gave the perfect white wine for the event. Both Saturday and Sunday we were at the Christmas Market in Leipzig city centre to have hot spiced wine, Christmas goodies, and just walk through all the booths.
A note from my previous post: the odor problem has thankfully all but vanished. I think it may have been stress related. I have come to terms with the conflict that may have caused it, even though the other party has not yet started communicating. (More on communication and friendship in Germany later: it’s different than in the USA…)

Summer in November and stinky days...

2006-11-26T21:49:00.000+01:00

Here I am on my balcony this afternoon, November 26, in Germany. Unbelievable, that it's so warm that I can wear summer attire!
Hello everybody!

Sorry I haven’t been around much. It’s been very busy. The last weekend (of Nov. 16) had me at a birthday party on Friday until 3:30 am. on Saturday morning, not the usual fare for me. This past week has been full of good work, and yesterday, on Saturday evening, I was at another birthday party from 5 pm. until midnight, and the trio I am in played at the event, where about 60 people were present. Next Saturday I am celebrating Thanksgiving belatedly, having 10 people over for a big meal, so this week will have lots of preparations for that. So what else moves us here?

Weather:
It is unseasonably warm here, with highs in the mid 60s, or about 16 Centigrade, where the normal high is more like 5 Centigrade, or the lower 40s. So I go jogging in my shorts and can sit out in the deck in summer attire, as this photo from today attests. Being a Texan, this weather makes me think I’m home. Germans are concerned about growing insect plagues since they think the critters will not be killed in this mild winter.

Body:
Something very strange has happened beginning Friday. I started getting bad cases of body odor, really piercing. I’ve never had this problem before. And nothing has changed in my life: same food, drink, same shower gel, shampoo, deodorant, toothpaste, always clean clothes, etc. It’s not hot, and I run just like I always do. So, help me with ideas. Maybe the water has changed? Is the feng shui here not flowing right? Is the karma going out my darma? Is this another round of puberty I’m about to go through? Well, my sex drive could use a boost, so why not? It’s been dead pan alley anyway, so maybe my body is trying to kick-start hormones, and I’ll start attracting more of the people I’ve always wanted…. In one relationship I am having a big conflict that started on Friday, so maybe the stress from this has changed my body chemistry, especially since the odor problem started the same day the conflict started. This last possibility seems to be the only plausible connection, but the possibility of a correlation does not demand a correlation.

I wish you all a pleasant smelling week with warm sun…

Your faithful Euromark

Almost Four Years of Leipzig and Saxony

2006-11-13T21:53:00.000+01:00

The Saxon Switzerland - the mountains close to Pirna south of Dresden - matchless
A photo from a little earlier with Steve and I - I've lost weight since ...
Steve and Marita a little earlier - they've gain weight since :-)
What a wonderful weekend. Friday I was on the train at 4:40 pm. Going to Pirna, just south of Dresden. Friday evening had Steve and Marita and I in the bowling alley for two hours. Then, on Saturday, we were in Dresden shopping and eating in Dresden Neustadt, a colourful and somewhat interesting part of that city. Sunday had us in Schipkau in Brandenburg for a St. Martin’s Day meal – my patron, so to say – and for the birthday celebration of Thomas, a relative of Steve and Marita.
Entschuldigt, bitte, das ich schon lange nichts mehr auf Deutsch schreibe, aber ich habe den Eindruck, niemand, der diesen Blog liest, braucht diese Sprache. Bitte, meldet euch, wenn es euch lieber ist, auch mal was auf Deutsch zu lesen! Freitag bis Sonntag war ich in Pirna, Dresden, und Schipkau in Brandenburg. St. Martinsgans war So. angesagt, und der Thomas hatte dann anschließend zum Kaffee und Kuchen zu seinem Geburri eingeladen. Sa. waren Steve, Marita, und ich in Dresden zwecks Geschenke kaufen und haben auch mexikanisch gegessen.
Soon I will have been in Leipzig-Saxony for four years – hard to believe. With the exception of some disgusting turmoil at the very beginning – that had nothing with Germany to do, these have been some of the most peaceful and happy years of my life, and I hope this serendipity continues. I think I will begin a series in my blog now, several posts introducing you to some of the people who have made – and are still making – my life here so wonderful. Please read one of my first posts on my friend and roommate Sebastian to find one of the main persons responsible for my happiness here.
Steve and Marita in Pirna also play a major role in my life here “over the rainbow”. This mother-son team is almost like a second family to me. I hope you get to know them someday, if you haven’t already. I am very thankful to Steve, Marita, and Sebastian for their friendship and love. There are a number of other people who also play important roles; more in Leipzig, in a few other parts of Saxony, in the Erzgebirge (Ore Mountains), in Lübeck up by the Baltic Sea, and even in England. I’ll introduce you to them in the near future.
Demnächst verjährt sich mein Leben in Leipzig in Sachsen – vier Jahre im Februar 2007! Mit der Ausnahme von einigen Schreckenserlebnissen am aller Anfang – die mit Deutschland nichts zu tun hatten – gehören diese Jahre zu den schönsten und glücklichsten meines Lebens, und ich hoffe darauf, dass diese Glückseligkeit hört nicht auf. Wer nur das Deutsche versteht, kennt schon Sebastian, Steve, und Marita, und weiss, warum sie eine Schlüsselrolle in meinem Leben hier spielen. Ich berichte demnächst über die Anderen, and auch Schlüsselrollen in meinem Leben hier spielen, und die sind u.a. zu finden in Leipzig, Sachsen, den Erzgebirgen, Lübeck, und sogar England.