You cannot give up your own life, but you must first really know what it is, to keep it.

Place: Berlin, in front of the old library of the Humbolt University. Person: Me looking too serious.

Medical progress blesses us and also puts us before decisions spared earlier generations. The elderly now stay elderly much longer, creating much longer time spans in which they need various quality and quantity of assistance to keep their quality of life. The next of kin bear the moral imperative to assure the elderly next of kin maintain their quality of life. Some who have the money would simply throw dollars their way and go on with their young dynamic life, knowing that the facilities and care they bankroll will keep mom or dad safe and as healthy as possible. But can we satisfy the moral imperative with money alone?

When you were a toddler, did your parents simply pay someone to feed you (i.e. a wet nurse), to change your diapers, and to occupy you, so that mom and dad could work, socialize, play, pursue hobbies and “get the most out of life”? Or were you parents usually there at home, even when “nothing” was happening at home or when they could have done “more interesting things” elsewhere?

And, who said helping the elderly next of kin keep their quality of life was boring, a burden, or uncomfortable? Does our own quality of life revolve around living on a plush satin-cushioned pillow suckling Swiss chocolate as flickering candle light and incense underscore the ambiance our carefully selected film or music provide?

Yes, the satin pillow illuminated by candle light belongs to life, just as changing diapers at 2 am. does, whether the diapers are on a toddler or an octogenarian. And we fathom the deeper truths and significance of life not only by reading great authors and reflecting on their words, but also by struggling with and helping others. We live life by doing it, not only by reading about it or watching it.

So much of our western lifestyle at the beginning of this century seems to revolve around experiencing things – being “rolled over” by sensory or emotional waves, getting goose bumps and jitters during the latest adventure vacation, or zoning out in the country. So where is the jitter and excitement of changing diapers, helping someone go shopping, or dusting and raking for someone who can’t do these things anymore?

I think we find ourselves when we are bored, when we are doing tasks “anyone” can accomplish. When we identify with the unspectacular dilemma others may – through no guilt of their own – find themselves in, we meet ourselves face to face.

And I have time for this insight now, because I cursed the cold constant rain outside, keeping me from doing anything but sitting on my couch, drinking tea from Nepal, and watching the candle flicker as I think.

How about pouring a cup or tea from anywhere, light a candle, and tell me what you think?

Wishing you a happy post-Thanksgiving weekend,

Your Euromark