Torn Between Two Worlds....

My life in central Europe...

My home in a suburb of the Dallas Fort Worth area...

My home someday, when I join the rest of my family here - my parents, grandparents, and great grandparents.

Advent greetings to all as the Christmas season 2008 officially and liturgically begins. For me this has become the time of year I dislike the most. I am no Scrooge. December is jam-packed with too many Christmas parties, too many people who want to get together "one last time this year", and too many crowds in the Leipzig Christmas Market, which is supposed to be one of the best in Germany. And to these reasons comes another: this will be my first Christmas without any parents; they are all buried in the cemetary you see in the photo above. There is simply too much going on in 28 days, and I am always relieved when January 2nd arrives, signalling the return of normal life.

This year I am again in Texas over Christmas, but this visit will be very difficult - my first visit to the home I grew up in, when I will experience it without parents. As my life continues to be successful over here in the "old world", I am torn more and more between the two continents.

I have one brother left in my immediate family, and one cousin with whom I have a close relationship. But putting the facts on the table produces the following scenario: I have very little contact to anyone in the states anymore. There are about five people in Texas who keep in contact with my by email, and some of them read this blog. No-one ever calls me on the phone, never ever. My mother was faithful - she was the consummate model of faithful unconditional love - and she always called me if more than a week elapsed with no contact. Yet when I visit Texas for only three weeks, at least two friends from Germany call me just to see how I am doing. And I know they are waiting for postcards from Texas.

So is this simply no more than the "out-of-sight-out-of-mind" phenomenon? Or does this speak to the different nature of relationships on the two continents? In the German culture, you traverse a huge psychological distance when you move from stranger to acquaintance to friend, for you use a different pronoun to address a friend (du instead of Sie) and you use their first name and not their last name. And friends often greet each other very affectionately here - two grown males will hug each other with their cheeks pressing against each other, and female friends kiss each other on both cheeks - reminding us of French customs. Americans, in contrast, are the world champions in smiling and laughing, but close body contact is something many of us shy away from. I remember a comment from former President Clinton how he did not like to hug men.

It seems that Americans are much more self-made individuals, where Europeans more typically find their self-definition in the web of family and friends as a type of psychological safety net giving them a context for life. Think of the cartoon figures in the states: Batman, Robin, the Lone Ranger, Spider Man, they all are lones who don't really seem to have any close friends, and if they do find close friends, as Spider Man fell in love, it can spell problems for their identity as a hero.

With all of these thoughts in my mind, I will be glad when normal life returns, so that I will have more time to think about these things.

I hope Christmas can give you moments of reflection and peace.